Politico Wrote An Entire Story About Kamala Harris's Headphones And Why They Mean She Sucks

kamala harris
Politico Wrote An Entire Story About Kamala Harris's Headphones And Why They Mean She Sucks

First Kamala Harris had a fake French accent. Then she bought a $375 pot. Now, she’s accused of wearing old-fashioned headphones. The vice presidential scandals never end.

Politico broke the gripping story about Harris’s headphone preferences. The headline blared: “Kamala Harris Is Bluetooth-Phobic,” as though Harris is prejudiced against technology.

While a growing number of consumers are going wireless, the vice president is sticking with the classics. She has long felt that Bluetooth headphones are a security risk. As a result, Harris insists on using wired headphones, three former campaign aides told West Wing Playbook.

That caution has continued since the election.

We’re treated to examples of Harris using wired headphones in public and during televised appearances. And this is absurd: "After casting the tie-breaking Senate vote on the American Rescue Plan in March, reporters captured Harris with wired headphones in hand. And during the campaign, she filmed campaign videos with the retro coils falling from her ears.”


They “captured” the vice president with wired headphones? The verb choice makes it seem like she was caught on film kicking a poodle. That’s also the least important takeaway from Harris helping Democrats pass the $1.9 trillion COVID-19 relief bill. The press doesn’t report much on the bill’s tremendous impact, including the $39 billion in child-care funding, but at least we know how Harris listened to her jams.


Politico’s Alex Thompson, who should feel bad, tweeted more details Monday afternoon:

NEW: Kamala Harris has long felt that Bluetooth headphones are a security risk. So, she insists on using wired ones, 3 fmr campaign aides told @rubycramer and me. That Bluetooth phobia remains (if you look closely, you'll see the clump of wires in hand)

Not to horn in on Dok’s rhetoric beat, but the word choice here reveals a clear bias. Harris doesn’t just prefer to use wired headphones, she “insists” upon them, like a pop star diva who demands that her dressing room be kept at exactly 68 degrees before a performance. Politico keeps using the word “phobia,” implying an irrational fear or obsession, rather than a logical precaution.

Thompson notes that Harris’s husband, Doug Emhoff, doesn’t share her “anxieties” and is “pro-Bluetooth,” like a cool dude who, you know, isn’t the goddamn vice president of the United States. The couple probably doesn’t even share an iTunes account anymore.

Thompson went on:

While wired headphones have re-emerged as a hip vintage accessory among Gen Z, Harris’ embrace of them is less about fashion than caution. Former aides say that the vice president has long been careful about security and technology — with some describing it as prudent and others suggesting it’s a bit paranoid.

It’s a recurring theme. An aide on her 2016 Senate bid said Harris often preferred texting to email for security reasons. And another former aide when she was attorney general in California said that when a person arrived for a meeting, staff were instructed not to allow them to wait in Harris' office alone. Instead, the person was asked to wait outside.

OH SHIT PEOPLE WEREN'T INVITED TO JUST CHILL IN THE ATTORNEY GENERAL'S OFFICE BY THEMSELVES, WHAT A PARANOID WEIRDO, OHHHH SHITTTTTT.

Politico observes that such "caution and vigilance has not stood in the way of Harris’ meteoric rise to the vice presidency — the first woman of color to do so.” What does that sentence even mean? Caution and vigilance are positive traits. Half-assed carelessness isn’t going to catapult you to the Oval Office, usually.

But still, should someone who travels with the nuclear football be spending time untangling her headphone wires? The American people deserve answers!

Oh, screw you and your National Enquirer-style reporting. Really. Just screw you. The media was obsessed with Hillary Clinton’s email security, which helped elect Donald Trump, and five years later at least 788,000 Americans are dead from COVID-19. Harris might rightly believe that using Bluetooth headphones will result in further tragedy. After all, Bluetooth is about as secure as a hotel honor bar. Hackers tend to prey on people connecting to Wi-Fi in busy public settings. Harris is wise not to use Bluetooth when on a morning run or even inside the US Capitol, which is filled with Republicans.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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