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Kaplan College-Test Company Selling Loser Newsweek Magazine

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Famous college-testing company Kaplan is now racing to get rid of all its loser "print journalism" properties, with forgotten newsweekly Newsweek now officially being handed to some broker who will put it out of its misery. (Kaplan also owns the Washington Post, the struggling youth-blogging consortium and holding pen for insane old neo-cons.) But Newsweek is an important media brand, right?


As newspapers and magazines continue to fold in our "New Economy With No Room For Newspapers and Magazines," we are all expected to mourn -- literally mourn -- every doomed editorial title. Why? Because the news is written by people with a vested interest in keeping newspapers and magazines afloat, of course! This is why there were about a dozen actual reported articles on the massive immigration protests in every big American city last Saturday, and approximately 5,000 articles about the closure of the food magazine Gourmet.

Where will America learn about Hollyweird gals showing their hoo-hahs?The whole concept of the American Newsweekly is dated and unnecessary, because anyone who vaguely gives a shit about anything has already heard all the dumb national news and the one international story allowed each week and the pointless retread of whatever pop-culture or sports thing and the already-discredited New Study Proves It linking blueberries to obesity and handjobs to breast cancer, etc. There is No Point to getting an even more dumbed-down version in a flimsy glossy magazine barely held together with a couple of allergy and erectile-dysfunction ads.

But what do media-watchers have to say about the shocking/utterly expected news that Kaplan/WaPo is getting rid of the money-bleeding weekly? Here you go: "Why Not Combine Newsweek With Slate?"

Sure, why not? Just dump all of America's rote contrarian topical essays -- "People think dogs are good pets, but they're actually the worst things alive," etc. -- at one URL the rest of us can safely ignore, forever.

OH BUT WAIT, Newsweek editor Jon Meacham wants to buy it himself! We can say with some personal experience that this is the guaranteed route to incredible wealth. [Guardian/The Awl]

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Is there ANY good news for the bumblefucking Trump re-election campaign these days? Their polling numbers are in the shitter, therefore Trump is firing the pollsters. Trump's Hitler rally kickoff event in Florida last night was ... whatever it was. Oh, and did we mention that they ain't got no money? Like, of course, not counting whatever Russian money they're not telling us about.

Don Jr. recently called a prominent donor and warned that Trump's money haul is falling behind where Barack Obama was early in his reelection, while Jared Kushner has privately complained to RNC chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel that Trump's war chest is not as big as it should be at this point in the cycle.

Whiiiiiiiiiine. Guess they're gonna have to see if they can launder some rubles somewhere, ALLEGEDLY.

Gabe Sherman has some more bad news about Trump's shithole campaign, and it is that Robert and Rebekah Mercer, the father-daughter billionaire duo who bankrolled much of Trump's "victory" in 2016 -- including funding Breitbart, and also the part of the "victory" that comprised Cambridge Analytica, the data company they owned that may have done some real hinky stuff, possibly with Russia, in order to get Trump "elected" -- have zipped up their checkbooks and decided Trump can go eat dicks for all they care.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

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