Karl Rove: Everything Is Awesome For Republicans!

Karl Rove: Everything Is Awesome For Republicans!

Man, this guy! Remember Karl Rove, the doughy, evil clown who used direct mail to make George W. Bush the permanent dictator of America? He has good news for Republicans. They are poised on the precipice of a COMEBACK, a massive and extremely awesome comeback, because they keep winning seats in the South -- a region which they have historically, uh, tended to win in!

Here's what he farted out in an opinion piece for your local right-wing paramilitary rag, The Wall Street Journal:

The first win came in Georgia, where Sen. Saxby Chambliss crushed his Democratic opponent by 15 points in a run-off election on Dec. 2. The other wins came in Louisiana congressional races on Saturday. One was in a Republican-leaning district in the state's northwest corner. Democrats outspent the GOP three to two and still lost. In the other, Republican Anh "Joseph" Cao defeated nine-term Democrat William Jefferson in a district where John McCain received 24% of the vote.

Let's review: If Chambliss had not won re-election against perennial loser Jim Martin, it would have been shocking -- fantastically shocking, of course, and Chambliss did of course get fought to a run-off. That a Republican-leaning district in northwest Louisiana ended up going Republican is ... not all that weird? And oh yes, the famously corrupt Democratic congressman who stashed $90,000, IN CASH, IN HIS FREEZER, and who has been indicted on sixteen counts of corruption has somehow, finally and amazingly, lost his seat. Republicans are well and truly poised for a miraculous flowering in the years ahead!

[M]ore than one out of five Americans eligible to vote is unregistered, meaning there are millions of unregistered Republicans. The RNC once used sophisticated "micro-targeting" to develop a list of 291,000 unregistered Texans who voted in the GOP primary or were registered Republicans in the state or community where they last lived. There were 1.3 million more likely Texas Republicans with no primary voting history. The GOP needs to take this nationwide. New ways must be found to encourage party organizations and independent efforts to focus on registration.

Sweet holy Jesus on a swizzle stick, Karl Rove suddenly cares about voter registration? Who is he, Jesse frigging Jackson? STOP THE PRESSES, KARL ROVE HEARTS ACORN.

Bottom line: Republicans are still very much screwed, indefinitely, until they figure out how to accommodate young voters, Hispanics, non-wingnuts, and people who do not live in survivalist redneck enclaves of the Deep South, which means they are screwed forever.

How the GOP Should Prepare for a Comeback [Wall Street Journal]


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