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Karl Rove: Everything Is Awesome For Republicans!

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Man, this guy! Remember Karl Rove, the doughy, evil clown who used direct mail to make George W. Bush the permanent dictator of America? He has good news for Republicans. They are poised on the precipice of a COMEBACK, a massive and extremely awesome comeback, because they keep winning seats in the South -- a region which they have historically, uh, tended to win in!


Here's what he farted out in an opinion piece for your local right-wing paramilitary rag, The Wall Street Journal:

The first win came in Georgia, where Sen. Saxby Chambliss crushed his Democratic opponent by 15 points in a run-off election on Dec. 2. The other wins came in Louisiana congressional races on Saturday. One was in a Republican-leaning district in the state's northwest corner. Democrats outspent the GOP three to two and still lost. In the other, Republican Anh "Joseph" Cao defeated nine-term Democrat William Jefferson in a district where John McCain received 24% of the vote.

Let's review: If Chambliss had not won re-election against perennial loser Jim Martin, it would have been shocking -- fantastically shocking, of course, and Chambliss did of course get fought to a run-off. That a Republican-leaning district in northwest Louisiana ended up going Republican is ... not all that weird? And oh yes, the famously corrupt Democratic congressman who stashed $90,000, IN CASH, IN HIS FREEZER, and who has been indicted on sixteen counts of corruption has somehow, finally and amazingly, lost his seat. Republicans are well and truly poised for a miraculous flowering in the years ahead!

[M]ore than one out of five Americans eligible to vote is unregistered, meaning there are millions of unregistered Republicans. The RNC once used sophisticated "micro-targeting" to develop a list of 291,000 unregistered Texans who voted in the GOP primary or were registered Republicans in the state or community where they last lived. There were 1.3 million more likely Texas Republicans with no primary voting history. The GOP needs to take this nationwide. New ways must be found to encourage party organizations and independent efforts to focus on registration.

Sweet holy Jesus on a swizzle stick, Karl Rove suddenly cares about voter registration? Who is he, Jesse frigging Jackson? STOP THE PRESSES, KARL ROVE HEARTS ACORN.

Bottom line: Republicans are still very much screwed, indefinitely, until they figure out how to accommodate young voters, Hispanics, non-wingnuts, and people who do not live in survivalist redneck enclaves of the Deep South, which means they are screwed forever.

How the GOP Should Prepare for a Comeback [Wall Street Journal]

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. Ravelry.com – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend, Ravelry.com's founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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