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Karl Rove Would Like To Troll You With His Electoral Map

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The esteemed KARL ROVE & CO. firm is out with its first electoral map of the season, and whoo boy does it show some kinda landslide for Barack Obama, giving him approximately 700 electoral votes.Really, Karl? South Carolina as a toss-up? South Carolina only does two things, and it does them well: voting against Kenyans and seceding from Unions, and they won't secede from this Union until they get another chance to vote against this Kenyan.


What might Karl Rove want? Let's go with "money." Karl Rove likes raising money, and a first map showing South Carolina as a toss-up and so forth might scare conservative donors into helping him meet that $200 to $300 million he wants to throw around while running the Romney campaign from the outside. Karl Rove is good at this stuff, that asshole. Your Wonkette is suddenly sitting next to a $10,000 check we made out to Karl Rove with derpa derp socialist derrrr! written in the memo. We have absolutely no memory of writing this, but boom, there it is, and the last thing we remember was loading his web page. Oh god, now the check is in the mail. How is this happening? Of course the check will bounce, because, ha -- "Wonkette" -- "10,000 dollars" -- c'mon.

[Karl Rove]

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Seattle People, looking spunky. We hate spunky.

It is Friday, Yr Wonkette's back end (that's website talk) has been cranky all afternoon like a digital babby that needs a nap, and we are all stuck in the stupidest timeline. The one way we know it's not actually hell is that there are still adorable doggies and kitties and sloths, no to mention toddlers preschoolers named Donna Rose, and of course you, you lovely wonderful readers of ourn. And if you're in Eastern Washington or its environs, you can come out to meet Yr Editrix, Yr Shypixel, and Yr one day Benevolent Monarch Donna Rose come this Sunday in the Evergreen State's second-largest city, Spokane!

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