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Karl Rove Would Like To Troll You With His Electoral Map

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The esteemed KARL ROVE & CO. firm is out with its first electoral map of the season, and whoo boy does it show some kinda landslide for Barack Obama, giving him approximately 700 electoral votes.Really, Karl? South Carolina as a toss-up? South Carolina only does two things, and it does them well: voting against Kenyans and seceding from Unions, and they won't secede from this Union until they get another chance to vote against this Kenyan.


What might Karl Rove want? Let's go with "money." Karl Rove likes raising money, and a first map showing South Carolina as a toss-up and so forth might scare conservative donors into helping him meet that $200 to $300 million he wants to throw around while running the Romney campaign from the outside. Karl Rove is good at this stuff, that asshole. Your Wonkette is suddenly sitting next to a $10,000 check we made out to Karl Rove with derpa derp socialist derrrr! written in the memo. We have absolutely no memory of writing this, but boom, there it is, and the last thing we remember was loading his web page. Oh god, now the check is in the mail. How is this happening? Of course the check will bounce, because, ha -- "Wonkette" -- "10,000 dollars" -- c'mon.

[Karl Rove]

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The Dumb Song Of J. Dinesh Prufrock

A quick Dear Shitferbrains for you smart kids today, in response to our recent piece on Dinesh D'Souza's continued insistence that historian Kevin M. Kruse please bitchslap him with facts again and again. It turns out we picked the wrong historian to lionize, according to "Hadding Scott," who dropped by to let us know we had foolishly referred to a mere Princeton professor instead of to the most comprehensive take-down-er of D'Souza's lies, "Hadding Scott" himself.

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Among the primary results from Tuesday that we didn't report: Chris Murphy, US Senator from Connecticut, managed to hold on to the Democratic nomination for a second term. Actually, if you want to get all technical about it, he didn't win the nom Tuesday -- he'd already been nominated at the state party convention in May, and the Dem primary was cancelled since Murphy was the only one to file. Murphy's also heavily favored to win reelection this fall. The biggest question for Murphy is whether he's hoping to seek some other office in a couple years. (As if any prominent Democratic senator hasn't already mentally compared their inaugural crowd size to Trump's.)

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