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There's a lot going on this week, but let's not miss this opportunity to take one more parting shot at recently "retired" congressman Darrell Issa of Luckyfires, California, whose confirmation hearing for Director of the United States Trade and Development Agency went totally off the rails yesterday. Donald Trump nominated Issa for the position on September 19, 2018, and his fellow Republicans in the Senate were so excited about it that they waited an entire year to take it up in the Foreign Relations Committee. And then Rand Paul sided with the Democrats who moved to go into closed session to hear all the filthy, dirty deeds kicked up in Issa's FBI background check. Womp womp.


"There's information in his FBI background investigation that concerns me greatly, and that I believe members may find problematic, and potentially disqualifying for Senate confirmation," said ranking member Bob Menendez (D-NJ). "I firmly believe that every member of this committee should have the opportunity to review that information."

Rand Paul, whose cussedness is truly unparalleled, claimed it was a "courtesy" to Issa to hear the lurid details in chambers. Then they all went in the back for a huddle, after which Chairman Jim Risch came back out to announce the hearing had been postponed. FOR NEVER, allegedly.

In 2018, Issa told his constituents YOU CAN'T FIRE ME, I QUIT, and we hoped to have seen the last of him. But like a case of drug-resistant gonorrhea, he's back!

"I left Congress because I was offered an opportunity to serve in the administration," he said yesterday. Which is an, um, interesting interpretation of the timeline, since he noped out of another run in January 2018, but fine, whatever. Congressional Republicans seemed content to ignore the nomination for all eternity -- what's one more vacant chair on the Titanic, right? -- but then Issa announced he was exploring a run in Rep. Duncan Hunter's district, since Hunter is facing a a 60-count indictment in federal court and looks likely to be headed for a long vacation in the hoosegow. And instead of shouting, "Hosanna, maybe we can hold that seat!" the GOP swung into action to park Issa's thirsty ass in the federal government where he can't do too much harm.

Which would have been fine if Issa didn't have one or 12 little tiny skeletons in his closet. Like two past indictments for car theft. And a factory that burned down three weeks after he'd quadrupled the insurance and moved all the computers and business records from the building. And multiple lies about his Army service record. Or, as Issa told CNN, "I was a Boy Scout, but I wasn't the perfect Boy Scout, so to speak, as a young man."

UH HUH.

It appears to have been Rand Paul who ended debate by voting with the Democrats, but Issa blamed Menendez, saying that he'd "willfully obstructed the hearing" when Issa was perfectly willing to answer all the committee's questions about "my being disciplined for false ID when I was 17." And then the congressman who presided over twelve thousand hours of hearings on Benghazi and Fast and Furious whined that Menendez refused to hug it out bitch, even though "I have done everything, including approach him at Morton's over cigars, to try to get him to meet with me and if he had concerns to express them." Whoa there, stalker!

We have no idea if Issa's star turn testifying at the divorce trial of Republican Congressman Mike Turner has anything to do with the cool reception from his fellow Republicans. Issa swears on a stack of car alarms that he was just friends with Turner's ex-wife, and you know that guy never lies. He's a Boy Scout! Well, more or less.

Giphy

This fuckin' guy right here!

[CNN / Politico]

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