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Don't faint, kids! But it seems that the GOP may be populated with GIANT FUCKING HYPOCRITES! The very same senators who demanded every piece of paper that Elena Kagan ever touched are now far too busy to bother with Judge Kavanaugh's voluminous record. Yeah, it's a shocker!

When President Deep Thoughts was thinking deeply about who he was going to appoint to murder Roe v. Wade, Mitch McConnell told him in no uncertain terms to pick one of the other federalist fascists, because those guys hadn't left a mile-wide paper trail. NYT reports,


While careful not to directly make the case for any would-be justice, Mr. McConnell made clear in multiple phone calls with Mr. Trump and the White House counsel, Donald F. McGahn II, that the lengthy paper trail of another top contender, Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh, would pose difficulties for his confirmation.

Mr. McConnell is concerned about the volume of the documents that Judge Kavanaugh has created in his 12 years on the United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, as well as in his roles as White House staff secretary under President George W. Bush and assistant to Kenneth W. Starr, the independent counsel who investigated President Bill Clinton.

But no one puts Babyshits in the corner! So Republicans are now howling foul that Democrats demand to see a million pages of records from the SCOTUS nominee whose record runs to a million pages. Senate Judiciary Chairman Chuck Grassley (R - Deer Dead) requested a narrower set of documents on Kavanaugh than had been produced for Kagan by August 15. But the National Archives told him to GTFO, since that volume of document production will take them until late October.

Mitch McConnell is "threatening" to delay Kavanaugh's confirmation until just before the midterms if Democrats keep pushing for document production -- which is supposed to be some kind of Gotcha! we guess? In Politico's version of this story, the crafty Majority Leader is forcing vulnerable red state Democrats Heitkamp, Donnelly, Manchin, and McCaskill to stay in DC and take a politically risky vote, only to be "deflated" when they lose. But you can color us mighty skeptical that McConnell would try that shit if he was confident he had the votes. More likely, he's trying to bluff his way into an early hearing before someone finds Kavanaugh's fingerprints all over the infamous John Yoo "Torture Memo." Gotta get that Roe killer confirmed before any more of his writings on presidential immunity from criminal prosecution leak out!

For his part, Chuck Grassley's still insisting that Kavanaugh's confirmation hearing will take place in September, come H-E-double hockey sticks or high water! He's making darn sure that weak-chinned white dude will be on the court when it gavels in the fall term in October. And if the GOP has to plant a story every week about the carpool fascist coaching basketball or going to the daddy-daughter dance, they will do it!

But Democrats also know how to TROLL SO HARD. All 10 Judiciary Committee Dems have filed FOIA requests for Judge Kavanaugh's records from his time as an associate in the White House Counsel's office and as White House staff secretary. Like a common Buzzfeed! If the National Archive is going to claim executive privilege requires it to redact entire categories of Kavanaugh's record -- a claim made by neither Obama nor Clinton when they nominated justices -- then these senators are going to hang a giant neon sign on their partisan intransigence.

And now, time for some #HotTakes.

We are old enough to remember when GOP senators, including Tom Cotton, refused to meet with Merrick Garland when we had a president who wasn't at the center of eleventy hundred criminal investigations. But ... this way madness lies.

VOTE. THESE. FUCKERS. OUT.

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[NYT / Politico / CNN]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Photo by Wonkette Operative 'Teecha'

If it's Sunday, this must be Nice Things, our weekly escape from the quotidian awfulness. Our featured doggo this week comes via a photo by Wonkette reader "Teecha," and we don't think Teecha mentioned a name for this lovely old rescue dog. If it is a dog at all: I think it may actually be one of Sia's more inventive disguises, like that time she was a little pony.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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