Kayleigh Chun-Hee of the DPRK News Service

White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany held her first press briefing in 50 days, coming out to tell the assembled enemies of the people that while Democrats were all wasting their time impeaching poor innocent Donald Trump, the Dear Leader, his heart near bursting with love for His people, was busy fighting and defeating the coronavirus pandemic, as proved by the arrival of two vaccines that have shown very promising early test results. Also, she very carefully dodged questions about who won the election, because who can possibly know yet at this early point?

Here's the whole sorry mess, which actually lasted a tad less than fifteen minutes before McEnany stalked off, snubbing CNN's Kaitlan Collins by telling her that "activists" don't get to ask questions, which was pretty rich, considering she'd just taken a question from One Trump News Network's Chanel Rion.

Look, Fox Business used the stock photo of McEnany in a black dress, not us.



Asked whether the administration's refusal to allow the Biden transition team to have access to the work being done on the vaccines might delay their distribution, McEnany chirped, "Not in the slightest!"

You see, Joe Biden doesn't need to worry, because the vaccine distribution plan is on the CDC website, and he can just read it there if he's interested. Factcheck: It's an outline, and while it's a fairly detailed outline of how a process should be set up, it lacks the actual operational data a new administration will need to really do anything.

Besides, she explained, all 64 regional jurisdictions that'll be involved have their own "individualized distribution plans" that have been assessed already, so don't you worry, OK? You don't need to worry about a thing, especially since, in Kayleigh's world, Donald Trump might still win the election. So when a vaccine is approved for emergency use, the Trump administration is ready to start distributing it within 24 hours.

Someone shouted, "When are you going to admit you lost?!" But McEnany ignored that rude monster.

Someone asked what Trump planned to discuss with the Michigan lawmakers he's called in to ignore the actual vote, but again, not a problem, because "nobody from the campaign" will be in the meeting, except for the candidate himself, and the Great Man "routinely meets with lawmakers all across the country." Perfectly normal, nothing more to say.

Again: "When are you going to admit you lost the election?!!" (ignored)

Another reporter asked, more nicely, when Trump might concede and begin the transition. Well don't get ahead of yourself, Buster! There's "ongoing litigation," and besides, 74 million Americans voted for Trump, "and that's more votes than any president has gotten in history, it's really extraordinary." Gee, wonder if some other candidate might have gotten more votes than that? Probably not, because of all the fraud.

McEnany went on to reassure the reporters that nobody in the White House had pressured the GSA to delay the start of the transition, but that the White House certainly can't start a transition until the GSA makes that ascertainment, because it's the law.

Asked about the more than 250,000 Americans who have died in the pandemic, she suggested we all look on the bright side, because experts originally said there'd be two million dead (if no action were taken at all), so we're doing great as long as we stay below that! Also, greatest testing program anywhere, American ingenuity, and President Trump oversaw all of it! Then, in a weird monotone, McEnany rushed out the phrase, "But of course we are seeing cases rise and it's very important to wash your hands socially distance we're taking this seriously." Maybe take the spaces out of that.

What about mixed messages? Mike Pence said to follow state guidelines, but McEnany called some state guidelines "Orwellian." So how should people know what to do? She helpfully suggested trying some doublethink: Take the virus seriously, but Oregon IS Orwellian for wanting to jail people if they have more than six people at Thanksgiving. Which isn't really true, but it proves she's right.

Finally, OANN's Chanel Rion gave her own speech: "Contrary to the court of media opinion, there is real-time data showing vast irregularities in the voting system." What she wanted to know is, "Where is the FBI in this entire scheme?" Will the guilty be punished? WHAR FBI???

Kayleigh explained that Rion would have to check with the FBI, then launched into a prepared closing: "It's worth remembering that this president was never given an orderly transition of power, his presidency was never accepted." Then, the full list of grievances, from Peter Strzok to the "baseless Mueller investigation, which searched for collusion, found none, and exonerated President Trump," as well as some folks who didn't attend his inauguration — but how how could there even have been room for them when it was the most crowded in history? So really, that was absolutely terrible and also absolutely perfect. McEnany went Full Pagliacci at the end:

While in 2016, President Trump became the duly elected president, many sought to undermine him, discredit him, delegitimize him, and deny his victory. There were no calls for unity, there were no calls for healing. So while all the legal votes are counted, let us not forget the inexcusable transition, or lack thereof, that President Trump had to endure in 2016, and four years into his presidency.

That poor man. Why don't you all appreciate all he's done for you? Then Kaitlan Collins tried to ask a question, Kayleigh smirked and said, "I don't call on activists," and it was all over, GOOD DAY, I SAY.

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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