Hey, did you guys hear about the Donald Trump Administration Pandemic Playbook Steak Golf Course Casino Airline that was the biggest hugest pandemic playbook steak golf course casino airline you ever saw? You know! The one they've been reading from since January, during like every White House briefing! It's become a staple of our days, when Drs. Anthony Fauci and Deborah Birx turn the lights down, slip into their bedtime clothes, and read America our daily page of "Trump Pandemic Playbook." That's how we can sleep tight, knowing that the best and the brightest are in charge, they will walk us through this valley of the shadow of death, and we will therefore fear no evil.

No, really, obviously, they talk about it all the time! Or at least Donald Trump and new White House spokes-liar-idiot empty wigstand Kayleigh McEnany seem to think we are stupid enough to believe that.

Here, let McEnany tell you about it, she is holding binders and everything, it must be real:



MCENANY: Hi there, um, I just wanted to highlight our pandemic preparedness?

Oh yeah? The one you've been using for all the preparedness this whole time, which is why everything is so great now?

MCENANY: Uh, the Obama/Biden plan that has been referenced, uh, was insufficient, wasn't going to work, so what our administration did under the leadership of President Trump ...

Oh yeah? You did this under the wise leadership of President Trump? This must be tremendous! When was he able to take a break from tweeting to provide this leadership?

MCENANY: ... is do an entire 2018 pandemic preparedness report ...

[holds up binder we are guessing Jared Kushner glued a picture to, probably says "hOW tO pAnDeMic"]

MCENANY: Beyond that, we did a whole exercise on pandemic preparedness?

Which was more terrific-er than the exercise the Obama administration threw for the Trump transition team! Now, we are just curious, was this 2018 pandemic preparedness exercise completed before Trump dissolved ("streamlined" is what the Trump White House likes to say) the pandemic response team at the National Security Council, or after? We are just trying to get our timeline together.

MCNENANY: ... In August of last year ...

Oh, after. That must have been a fuckshow of an exercise! Maybe they did it at Jared and Ivanka's house or something and served some Bagel Bites afterward?

MCENANY: ... and had an entire after-action report put together.

[holds up second prop binder in her hand, which is clearly a real binder]

MCENANY: In other words, the Obama/Biden paper packet ...

This one?

MCENANY: ... was superseded by a President Trump-style pandemic preparedness response plan.

The first one didn't have a section on Lysol cures, we guess.

Now, we don't want to be unfair, but we think McEnany and Trump are doing some level of just cold making shit up here. We know, WHOA IF TRUE.

It seems to have all started when Mitch McConnell went on the Lara Trump interwebs TV program and baselessly lied and said the Obama administration, which was super-focused on pandemics, had left Trump nothing. In our piece on that, we ticked off just a few of the things Obama did for Trump, including this 69-page-long pandemic preparedness manual, which is both highly detailed and extremely easy to read.

It is like a Choose Your Own Adventure where you don't even have to make your own choices, because they walk you through each and every step! It is like one of those maps at the mall that says "You Are Here," and draws you arrows to tell you how to get to "There." It is like the instructions your mom leaves for the dogsitter before she goes on a trip with her new lover "Janet"!

Barack Obama knew how stupid his successor was. He tried.

By the way, Mitch McConnell actually apologized for his gross fucking lying about this last night:

He did not apologize for saying Barack Obama should keep his "mouth shut," so he can still go eat shit.

As for Kayleigh McEnany, the only response that is ever appropriate for anything Kayleigh McEnany says is "Fuck off, Kayleigh," so, you know, fuck off, Kayleigh.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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