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On Tuesday, Attorney General Jeff Sessions sat his cattywampus ass down, lied to the Senate Intelligence Committee about why Donald Trump fired James Comey, refused to answer questions about his non-privileged conversations with the president, and STILL couldn't recall whether he had international relations with the Russian ambassador three times. One of the most memorable moments was when he made clear that, though he might be recused from the Trump-Russia investigation, "I DID NOT RECUSE MYSELF FROM DEFENDING MY HONOR AGAINST SCURRILOUS AND FALSE ALLEGATIONS!" Duly noted, sir!

But our favorite Sessions quote of all was, "I'm not able to be rushed this fast! It makes me nervous!" That's what he said when extremely mean black lady woman vagina-having whippersnapper Senator Kamala Harris was doing THAT THING SHE DOES -- asking really good rapid-fire questions, like the badass former prosecutor she is. Old Republican weasel-snatches in the Senate do NOT like it when she does that! Let's LOL at it again together:

But then it got even crazier. Senator Harris, like MANY OTHER senators, was trying to figure out precisely why the fuck Sessions wouldn't answer any questions about his conversations with Trump, who, again, had not invoked executive privilege in regards to Sessions's testimony. Sessions claimed to be following Department of Justice "policy," and Harris wanted to know, hey, is this so-called "policy" a thing that's written down somewhere, or is it just some bullshit? There was a prolonged back-and-forth, but then A THING HAPPENED, which was 954-year-old Senator John "Butterscotch Farts" McCain, playing the part of INTERRUPTING COW, MOOOOOOOOOOO! Watch it:

McCain is not even a regular member of the intel committee, but that did not stop him from POUNDING HIS FISTS AND STOMPING HIS FEET, because the awful mean black lady senator was asking TOO MANY QUESTIONS. McCain must speak up for his fellow addle-brained morons, to demand that that woman over there STFU and let them answer!

When McCain interrupted, committee chair Richard Burr reminded him that HE controlled the hearing, and then he promptly gave Sessions time to NOT answer the question. Sessions kept talking about "principles," and did not confirm or deny whether he was referring to actual DOJ policy, or whether he was just making up shit to cover for Trump. After Sessions didn't answer the question, Burr quickly cut Kamala Harris off, because her time was expired.

At least Burr gave McCain shit in this instance, because LAST WEEK, when McCain POUNDED HIS FISTS AND STOMPED HIS FEET at Kamala Harris, as she was interrogating Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, Burr only scolded Harris, who was apparently not being sweet enough:

Once the little lady had been shushed up real good, Rosenstein, like Sessions, decidedly did not answer Harris's question. (In that case, she also wanted to see something in writing, specifically a written guarantee Rosenstein wouldn't fire special prosecutor Robert Mueller for no reason. When the deputy attorney general finished his bullshit answer, Harris memorably deadpanned and said, "So is that a no?")

What the hell is up with how these men cannot handle Kamala Harris? Obviously John McCain haaaaaaaaaaaates her. Maybe he and Sessions just can't follow along with the mean black lady senator, much they same way they couldn't follow along with the Emancipation Proclamation when they were young senators, and they've been struggling to keep up ever since. Or maybe it is just common sexism with a splash of racism thrown in! Oh, and also she is a Democrat.

Whatever it is, these old white dicks are helping make Kamala Harris a star. Now we're not saying she needs to run for president in 2020, as it's very early for that -- but we're not not saying it. Because when things like this happen, EVERYBODY notices, and it pisses people off, just like it pissed people off when Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton a "nasty woman," or when Mitch McConnell "rebuked" Elizabeth Warren for trying to read the words of Coretta Scott King in ... oh wait, that was at Jeff Sessions's confirmation hearing! So many connecting threads! In explaining what a NAUGHTY LADY Warren is, McConnell memorably said, "NEVERTHELESS, SHE PERSISTED," and a million t-shirts and bumper stickers were born. (Why yes, Wonkette sells paraphernalia with that slogan, thank you for asking!)

And Kamala Harris seems to not give two fucks about it. She thrives off of this. After the hearing, she went after Sessions on Twitter, and then last night, tweeted this:

If you go to Harris's website right now, you can get this sticker for free, in exchange for some information. "Courage Not Courtesy" sounds like a pretty good presidential campaign slogan to us!

Or she could always go with "Don't Start No Shit Won't Be No Shit." Whichever she likes best.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Hooray, it's time for yet another dispatch from Fox News's big fun week of failure. (No, we mean even more failure than usual.) While all of Twitter is being annoying and talking incessantly about nothing but Bran and Daenerys and Carl and Peg or whoever they are, we have been (ignoring it and) focusing on all Fox's sadness, starting with Pete Buttigieg's town hall, where he called Fox News a piece of shit to its face. Then we laughed and laughed at Fox News idiot Pete Hegseth, who is sending lots of begging to today's college graduates, that they might immediately get dropped on their heads and forget all their education, so they might grow up to be the Fox News viewers of the future.

Oh, and we haven't even had a chance to LOL at the epic hilarity of Steve Doocy trying to do man-on-the-street interviews in Midtown Manhattan, shoving the mic into the faces of New Yorkers who literally don't care if he goes and plays in traffic. That was fun!

But the point of this post is that we have finally learned what makes at least some Fox News viewers tick, and it is that Tucker Carlson "laughs like a girl." That is not us saying that, that is a Fox News fan lady telling the Washington Post's Erik Wemple why she loves Tucker Carlson so much.

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Old White Guys Try To Explain Abortion

Throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's your Sunday show rundown!

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Michael is out, so I'm taking over your Sunday Show Rundown. This week everyone was talking about those awful abortion laws worming their way through state legislatures. As usual, most of the men were tripping on their dicks while trying to talk about vag. Luckily, there's enough women around to ladysplain things.

Bernie Sanders went on Meet the Press for the first time in FOREVER and played his greatest hits for all the kids. Sanders criticized Joe Biden's environmental policy (which is literally just "beat Trump"), stating that it wasn't "good enough." Sanders is right! (NO FIGHTING.)

SANDERS: Beating Trump is not good enough. You have to beat the fossil fuel industry, you have to take on all the forces of the status quo who do not want to move this country to energy efficiency and sustainable energy.

But then Chuck Todd asked Bernie a loaded question about women getting "sex-selective" abortions and the whole interview went off the rails. Bernie struggled to answer the dumbass question and came across looking stupid despite having spent the better part of the last week in Alabama railing against abortion bans.

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