Kelly Loeffler Has Vision For Georgia, Which Is ... LOOK! BLACK MAN! RUN!

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Sunday was Senate debate night down in Georgia. David Perdue was a no show, so Jon Ossoff answered questions next to an empty podium — no, really. He lucked out. Raphael Warnock was stuck debating Kelly Loeffler, who makes an empty podium look warm and inviting.

When you gift a Senate seat to someone who has no political experience, it often turns out they have no political experience. Loeffler was stiff and overly scripted, like an animatronic model at an Ayn Rand amusement park. During the Atlanta Press Club-hosted debate, she used the GOP nightmare buzzwords “liberalism," “socialism," and “Marxism" interchangeably and often incorrectly. Republicans pose as populist champions of working class (white) Americans but they keep invoking “Marxism" like they're writing an essay for their grad school economics course.

Warnock was at a disadvantage, however, because he's not an inveterate liar. Loeffler didn't seem even slightly ashamed when she lied, and she lied often if not creatively. She claimed “our," by which she means white people's, "very way of life is under attack." She said she was “called to public service," when in fact she acquired her Senate seat at one of those exclusive private auctions where rich people bid on the last living unicorn. (ALLEGEDLY.) She had the gall to repeat the White House line that the “Russia hoax" somehow distracted Donald Trump from noticing COVID-19. That's just bullshit, especially since Trump was actually impeached because he tried to extort a foreign nation into smearing his political opponent. But Loeffler willingly plays to the victim mentality of modern Republicans. They'll take any excuse to blame liberals for their own mistakes.

Loeffler avoided any direct answers where a lie or, worse, the truth could later prove embarrassing. She was asked if she believed the election was rigged, as Trump has repeatedly claimed, often in all-caps dementia-style tweets. She sidestepped the question and instead just said, "It's very clear there are issues in this election." That's true, but the source of those issues is a defeated incumbent president who refuses to accept his loss.


Moderator Greg Bluestein asked if members of Congress should make stock trades, and Loeffler declared such questions were an attack on “every single Georgian ... who wants to live the American dream," which presumably involves (alleged) insider trading. I think she might've also suggested that for every drop of rain a flower grows.

When she was grilled about possibly profiting from insider information about COVID-19, she boasted that she's been “completely exonerated," which was no more reassuring than Richard Nixon's famous declaration that “I am not a crook"

Loeffler kept referring to Warnock, the senior pastor at Ebenezer Baptist Church, as "Radical Liberal Raphael Warnock," as though that was his hip-hop stage name when he visited schools during the late 1990s to encourage kids to stay in school and not smoke dope. Sure, Warnock is Black, but he's not that scary. If he was really so radical, why did Loeffler spend Martin Luther King, Jr. Day at his church this year? According to her own scuzzy guilt-by-association standards, Loeffler should start calling herself “Radical Liberal Fembot."

Georgia can't send "Radical Liberal Raphael Warnock" to the Senate, because according to Loeffler, Chuck Schumer has vowed to "fundamentally change" America. A big day for Schumer is probably wearing khakis without a belt, but Loeffler isn't making reality-based appeals, she's trying to scare Georgia voters with racist stereotypes about liberal New York Jews. If Hillary Clinton's mad dream in 2016 was a “taco truck on every corner," Schumer's going to flood suburban streets with egg creams.

While Loeffler prefers to run against some contrived Jeremiah Wright stand-in, Warnock graciously debated the actual Loeffler, who's terrible. The good reverend asked Loeffler who won the presidential race in Georgia and while she impressively didn't respond "RADICAL LIBERAL!" she also couldn't admit Biden carried the state, which he did. We were all there.

Warnock stuck to the facts — Loeffler is a vote for obstruction who has no real solutions for the many challenges facing Georgians. She did vow to secure the border, and although we all have reason to worry about Florida, that doesn't seem the most pressing issue for the Peach State.

Someone on Loeffler's staff thought it would humanize the senator if she told us every chance she got that she grew up on a farm. (Her family has raked in millions in farm subsidies, so Loeffler more or less grew up in public housing.) That was her response when Warnock reminded us she is absurdly wealthy and out of touch. That was also her response when asked how she could relate to Black Georgians, considering how racist her campaign has been so far.

Warnock promised to “center the concerns of ordinary people ... particularly in rural Georgia." He wants to genuinely serve the public and he's not interested in Loeffler's tired games and gross lies.

WARNOCK: She's continued to misrepresent my record. She's lied not only on me but on Jesus.

Now, that was a solid mic drop, Rev.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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