Worst human in America maybe

If you took the Lord's Day off from playing internet like we did ("we" being me, Evan, since the editrix made Dok work ALL DAY), you might have missed Our Kellyanne Conway, Assistant Liar To The Liar-In-Chief, telling Chuck Todd that Donald Trump's Press Secretary Sean Spicer isn't just a thin-skinned, weak asshole, lying at his boss's behest about Trump's tiny inauguration numbers, but that the administration is simply presenting "alternative facts." HA. HA HA. HA HA. FUCK YOU, CRAZY LADY WHO WEARS UGLY CAT BUTTONS AND WAS ONCE CROWNED PRINCESS OF THE BLUEBERRIES IN NEW JERSEY.

Here! Watch a fun exchange if somehow your entire social circle hasn't been laughing about it for a whole day now:

CHUCK TODD: ... [Y]ou make a very reasonable and rational case for why crowd sizes don't matter. Then explain, you did not answer the question, why did the president send out his press secretary, who's not just the spokesperson for Donald Trump ... He also serves as the spokesperson for all of America at times. [...] Why put him out there for the very first time in front of that podium to utter a provable falsehood? It's a small thing. But the first time he confronts the public it's a falsehood?

KELLYANNE CONWAY: Chuck, I mean, if we're going to keep referring to our press secretary in those types of terms I think that we're going to have to rethink our relationship here. I want to have a great open relationship with our press.

If you say the press secretary lied, just because he lied, then maybe the Trump administration will threaten the press, for reporting that the press secretary lied.

Conway complained a whole lot about Sean Spicer's OTHER whine-fest from Saturday's press statement, that a journalist had a made a mistake by reporting that Trump had removed a bust of Martin Luther King Jr. from the Oval Office, and then corrected the record. But why did he get that wrong in the first place? Kellyanne Conway knows he only got that wrong because the press is UNFAIR TO TRUMP.

There was a lot of blah blah crosstalk and Kellyanne Conway being an ass, but Chuck Todd had not forgotten that she had not answered his question:

TODD: ... [Y]ou did not answer the question.

CONWAY: I did answer ...

TODD: No you did not.

CONWAY: ... your question.

TODD: You did not ...

CONWAY: Yes I did.

TODD: ... answer the question of why the president asked the White House press secretary to come out in front of the podium for the first time and utter a falsehood?

She "Kellyanned" the question, which is very different from answering it. How this works is that you pick out one word in the interviewer's question -- in this case "falsehood" -- and then you turn it around and, all dickhead Jersey-like, you go "YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT FALSEHOODS?" And then you talk about whatever it is you wanted to talk about in the first place. She does it every time.

CHUCK TODD: Why did he do that? It undermines the credibility of the entire White House press office ...

KELLYANNE CONWAY: No it doesn't.

CHUCK TODD: ... on day one.

KELLYANNE CONWAY: Don't be so overly dramatic about it, Chuck. ... You're saying it's a falsehood. ... Sean Spicer, our press secretary, gave alternative facts to that. But the point remains--

CHUCK TODD: Wait a minute-- Alternative facts? Alternative facts? Four of the five facts he uttered, the one thing he got right was Zeke Miller. Four of the five facts he uttered were just not true. Look, alternative facts are not facts. They're falsehoods.

When you manage to get Chuck Todd, hackiest hack of Hackville, to laugh at you for being such A Idiot, you have accomplished something, Madam.

Oh, also she said she was a "kind" and "gracious" person, for real, and we don't even have a joke about it, that's how nuts it was.

Anyway, all of Twitter and all of Facebook and all of the angels in heaven and demons in hell and the old witch who has Kellyanne Conway's father's soul trapped in a lantern -- read that link, The Onion is READY ON DAY ONE for the Trump regime -- laughed and laughed and started making up alternative facts about themselves, and Kellyanne Conway is the laughingstock of the universe now, even more than on Inauguration Day, when she wore that ... thing.

People have also been making memes with #SeanSpicerFacts and things Sean Spicer Says, and the internet is just having a jolly old time with all these idiots.

So that's where America is now. We have a new administration that will lie to our faces every single day, and we're going to have a hell of a time correcting every single thing they say. This is the Bush administration going after the "reality-based community" times ten, ON CRACK, and it's going to hurt us.

However, we must give our mainstream medias, particularly the Washington Post and the New York Times, massive props for seeing the same Sean Spicer press statement we saw, and immediately calling the fucking liars a buncha fucking liars, right to their faces. Here, have some headlines:

New York Times: White House Pushes 'Alternative Facts.' Here Are The Real Ones.

Washington PostHow Kellyanne Conway ushered in the era of ‘alternative facts’

New York Times: With False Claims, Trump Attacks Media on Turnout and Intelligence Rift

Washington PostThe traditional way of reporting on a president is dead. And Trump’s press secretary killed it.

That's just a handful of the stories they've published this weekend. If Trump's tiny hands succeed at just one thing during his administration, it might be he wakes the media up out of its hacky slumber and forces it to DO ITS JOB. And that, lovelies, will truly make America great again. (Until Trump has a tantrum and mistakes the nuclear football for his Twitterphone, and we all die go boom.)

Anyway, feel free to make up your own alternative facts in the comments, which (#alternativefact) are allowed and always have been.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Hell of a coincidence we have here! On the very same day that a Russian spy gets arrested for using the NRA as a conduit to the Republican Party -- ahem POLITICAL PARTY 1! -- the United States Treasury announces that it won't be collecting donor information from "social welfare groups." Guess which "GUN RIGHTS ORGANIZATION" is a tax exempt social welfare group that raised $337 million in 2016 and will now be able to hide its donor list from the prying eyes of the American public?

Here's a hint:

That's right, donors to the the NRA and those Kochsuckers at Americans for Prosperity can now dump infinity political dollars into their lobbying and electioneering efforts without having their names disclosed to the Federal Election Commission. Or the IRS. Or anyone who might object to propping up lunatic politicians who want to arm preschoolers.

In the bad old days, i.e. yesterday, "social welfare organizations" had to give the IRS names and addresses of anyone donating over $5,000. But now they get to keep it all secret, as White Jesus and Charles Koch intended. Here's how the Treasury explains the change on its website.

Tax-exempt organizations described by section 501(c), other than section 501(c)(3) organizations, are no longer required to report the names and addresses of their contributors on the Schedule B of their Forms 990 or 990-EZ.

Okay, now 'splain us how awesome this is gonna be, Steven Mnuchin!

Americans shouldn't be required to send the IRS information that it doesn't need to effectively enforce our tax laws, and the IRS simply does not need tax returns with donor names and addresses to do its job in this area. It is important to emphasize that this change will in no way limit transparency. The same information about tax-exempt organizations that was previously available to the public will continue to be available, while private taxpayer information will be better protected.

BOOOOORING! Hey, Mitch McConnell, you're a big old whore -- say the quiet part out loud to the Wall Street Journal.

The IRS's decision is a move in the right direction to end activist regulators' culture of intimidation to silence political speech. [...] More and more states were using these documents to chill political discourse, rather than encourage it.

That'll do it! Can't do anything about the pizza racists running their mouths and ruining the grift. But you can make it harder for customers to work out what corporate owners do with their earnings. Because money is speech, and speech is free, and we all have a First Amendment right to secretly fund organizations that team up with Russia to ratfuck American elections and starve the poor.

Thanks, Justice Kennedy!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

If you click here to fund us, we promise not to make you read about tax policy tomorrow! PROBABLY.

[ / WSJ]

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Fox News has been LI'L BIT CONFUSED about how to cover Donald Trump's treason meeting with Vladimir Putin. There was a lot of tut-tutting from Fox's daytime journalists (the "real" ones) on Monday, but then it was Double Dipshit Time on Monday night as Tucker Carlson and Sean Hannity took over the commentary. Carlson found the real election hackers (brown Mexican people who either move to America and become legal citizens who vote or brown Mexican people who are just born here, as if THAT is allowed!) and declared that Russian meddling is like number 115 on the list of things that threaten America. (The other 114 are the blacks and the Mexicans and the gypsies, because Tucker Carlson is a white supremacist.) Meanwhile, Hannity hosted Donald Trump for some kind of mutual lick-off session where Trump said that Putin had informed him that there was NO COLLUSION. It's good to have a KGB handler who remembers stuff like that!

But even then, there was a hopeful moment! Fox News's Chris Wallace committed an actual act of journalism Monday night when he interviewed Vladimir Putin, going so far as to stick Robert Mueller's indictments in the Russian leader's stupid fucking face and dare him to read them. He even asked Putin why he constantly murders people with poison. GO GET HIM, CHRIS WALLACE!

Usually the next morning's "Fox & Friends" is like Carlson and Hannity's afterbirth, but Tuesday morning was a little bit different! For some reason, Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade and Abby Huntsman were not 100% pleased with Dear Leader's behavior in Helsinki! So they put on their Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski masks and did their best impression of a more dumber version of "Morning Joe," and oh my god it was SO WEIRD. Like, they would be outraged for a second, but then they would immediately compliment him and reassure him that he is a Very Good Boy who won that presidential election fair and square.

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