Kellyanne Conway, Michael Cohen, Stormy Daniels Walk Into A Bar. Bartender Says 'Grand Jury's One Block Over'

Kellyanne Conway, Michael Cohen, Stormy Daniels Walk Into A Bar. Bartender Says 'Grand Jury's One Block Over'

Time to party like it's 2018! Everything old is new again, and we're all hot and bothered about Michael Cohen and Stormy Daniels getting ready to take down Individual 1. (Michael Avenatti's not invited to the party this time, he's got, uh, another engagement.)

Or we could not kick the football, Charlie Brown.

Definitely one of those!

After refusing to indict Donald Trump for financial crimes, leaving it to New York Attorney General Letitia James to bring a civil prosecution, Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg is returning to the White Whale of Trump investigations. In January the news broke that he'd empaneled a grand jury to investigate the $130,000 hush money payoff to adult film star Stormy Daniels in 2016 to keep her from talking about the time she bumped bits with the future president at a golf tournament.

Michael Cohen pled guilty in 2018 to making an illegal campaign contribution far in excess of the statutory cap, which is a federal crime. Trump and his family then laundered the payment through the Trump Organization, which reimbursed Cohen for fronting the payoff to Daniels via a series of payments disguised as "retainer" fees. Falsifying business records is a misdemeanor, but the New York Times reports that it can be bumped up to a felony if it's committed in the service of another crime. So maybe if they squint right, prosecutors can make out a violation of state election law to graft onto this one, but ... look, there's a reason Bragg and his predecessor Cy Vance never swung at this pitch.

Whatever the eventual outcome, DA Bragg does seem to be turning over every slimy rock. Yesterday the Times reported that Trump campaign adviser Kellyanne Conway had testified before the grand jury, which seems odd because we'd assume that Conway, who is not only a lawyer but also a political creature who has more than a passing familiarity with campaign finance law, would have the sense to stay far, far away from this fucktussle. But apparently not!

If we had been reading Michael Cohen's book — and really, why would we? — we'd have known that Conway knew about the payoff back in 2016.

Tell us, NYT:

“Mr. Cohen has said that Ms. Conway played a small yet notable role in the payment: she was the person Mr. Cohen alerted after making the payment, he wrote in his 2020 memoir.

I called Trump to confirm that the transaction was completed, and the documentation all in place, but he didn’t take my call — obviously a very bad sign, in hindsight,” he wrote. Instead, he wrote, Ms. Conway “called and said she’d pass along the good news.”

Girl! What were you thinking putting your fingerprints on this shit? (Assuming it's true. Michael Cohen has been somewhat, say, veracity-challenged.)

Anyhoo, here's Kellyanne last night inveighing against the mendacity of the Biden administration.

Why, yes, she is talking to Sean Hannity, the same guy who was just outed in Dominion Voting Systems' defamation suit against his employer for having deliberately flogged election lies because he knew his viewers couldn't handle the truth. Like recognizes like!

Whatever. Let's give Rep. Dan Goldman the last word with this epic troll of Conway, who so persistently violated the Hatch Act's ban on use of her office to campaign that the Office of Special Counsel recommended firing her.

“Blah, blah, blah. If you’re trying to silence me through the Hatch Act, it’s not going to work,” she scoffed, because laws are for the little people. “Let me know when the jail sentence starts.”

Blah, blah, blah, say it under oath, you mendacious hack.


Catch Liz Dye on Opening Arguments podcast.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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