Texas AG Ken Paxton Lied His Ass Off To Judge In Abortion Subpoenas And Now AG Ken Paxton Ain't Got No Ass!
He's a Running Man, GET IT?

In an all-new episode of "The Worst Little Attorney General in Texas," a federal judge has ordered Texas AG Ken Paxton to testify in a lawsuit brought by abortion funds that want to help Texans travel to other states so they can get a legal abortion. And yes, kids, the order was handed down yesterday by US District Judge Robert Pitman, who had previously quashed an earlier subpoena ordering Paxton to testify in the case.

As you may recall, Paxton really does not want to testify in this case, or maybe he just doesn't want to be constrained by laws in general. A week and a half back, Paxton fled his home in a pickup truck driven by his wife, state Sen. Angie Paxton, to avoid a process server trying to give Paxton the subpoena.

Read Entirely Too Much More:

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Guess Texas AG Ken Paxton Would Like 'Threatened To Shoot A Process Server' To Be A Three Day Story!

Then Paxton let it be known that he would have been entirely justified in shooting the process server dead, because he had no idea why that "strange man" had "yelled unintelligibly, and charged toward me," although the process server wrote in a sworn affidavit that he had first knocked on the Paxtons' door, identified himself to Angie Paxton, and said he was there to serve Paxton with court papers. He even left his card. Also, pretty weird that if he feared for his life, Ken Paxton sent Angie Paxton out to the truck to start it and open a door for him to scoot into.

Following that fracas, Pitman quashed the subpoena at Abbott's Paxton's request, although the plaintiffs in the lawsuit asked Pitman to reconsider.

Correction: No, Gov. Greg Abbott did not get involved, Dok just did that thing where he mixes up names because he's a big walking brain fart.

After all that, we learned that in fact the attorneys for the abortion funds had been in regular contact with Paxton's office about the subpoena, although we also learned Paxton's office is full of assholes who insisted Paxton was a perfect gentleman who absolutely could have shot the server with impunity, and did anyone really serve any subpoena at all?

And here we are all over again! Tuesday, after considering the nonprofits' request to reconsider that subpoena he quashed, Judge Pitman granted their motion.

Of Texas's several insane abortion laws, the nonprofit groups filed the lawsuit in August to seek protection from the state's "trigger" law, House Bill 1280, so they can continue raising funds and paying for Texans to get abortions in states where the procedure is still legal. The complaint complains that Texas's efforts to shut down all abortions in the state "have not been limited to abortion itself," but that

Agents of the State of Texas contend that virtually every activity of those who assist pregnant Texans to understand their rights and medical options is now subject to criminal prosecution. The threats have been repeated and far-ranging, and the intimidation has chilled helping professionals from providing counseling, financial, logistical, and even informational assistance to pregnant Texans who may need to access abortion care outside of the state.

The complaint also specifically notes Texas legislators' and activists' public pronouncements that all reproductive rights groups would be "held liable for years of being complicit in murder," even for activities that were legal before the overturning of Roe, and which remain legal now.

We suppose that must explain why Paxton dodged the process server and then threatened that he would have been justified in using deadly force: He really believed he was dealing with known murderers, after all.

In his order yesterday, Pitman wrote that he had quashed the subpoena last week

on the assumption that counsel for Paxton had made candid representations to the Court … only to learn later that Paxton failed to disclose Plaintiffs’ repeated emails attempting to inquire as to whether Paxton could testify.

Yeah, judges don't like it when you fib about stuff like that, Ken. Pitman also agreed with the plaintiffs that Paxton needs to testify because he's the one who would be making decisions about whether the groups would be pursued for helping Texans get abortions elsewhere:

The Court will not sanction a scheme where Paxton repeatedly labels his threats of prosecution as real for the purposes of deterrence and as hypothetical for the purposes of judicial review.

And for good measure, Pitman seemed not to buy Paxton's claims that as the top lawyer for Texas, he can't be bothered to testify, so underlings can take care of that:

It is challenging to square the idea that Paxton has time to give interviews threatening prosecutions but would be unduly burdened by explaining what he means to the very parties affected by his statements. [...] The burden faced by Plaintiffs—the effective cessation of many core operations—outweighs the burden of testimony faced by Paxton.

Pitman wants attorneys for both sides to get back to him within a week to decide when Paxton will testify. As of yet, Paxton's office hasn't responded to press inquiries, and Paxton's Twitter account has been quiet since his last tweet yesterday morning.

Also, as of blog time, it is unknown whether Angie Paxton has headed out to the driveway to warm up the family pickup truck.

Texas Tribune / Fund Texas Choice et al v Paxton complaint / Texas Tribune]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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