'Send lawyers, guns and money! Hup!' - WonketteHey everybody, remember Ken Starr? He was the dour little lawyer who spent about a billion dollars of your money so we could know what color GAP dress Bill Clinton spooged on. Today we learn that Starr's Chicago law firm is also obsessed with a Clinton, but this time it's Hillary.

Attorneys at the big corporate firm are giving more campaign money to Mrs. Senator Clinton that any other candidate, including whatever corrupt elderly adulterers are currently running for the GOP nomination.

And it's not just Starr's firm. From Wall Street to Austin, all the big corporate bankers and lawyers and hedge-fund managers and business titans are giving way more money to Democrats than Republicans. Why is this? Because Republican politicians have become total losers, unwanted idiots who have never seen a child or situation they can keep from fucking. And being a loser means losing money, and America is about Money.

"The conventional wisdom is that the Democrats are going to win the White House.''

Even at Jones Day, the 2,167-lawyer firm that represents the Republican National Committee, attorneys have given 3 1/2 times as much to the three Democratic frontrunners, including $131,333 to Obama. The Cleveland-based firm's lawyers donated more than twice as much to Bush than to Gore in 2000 and slightly more to Bush in 2004.

Overall, lawyers in and out of large firms have given $18.27 million to Democrats Clinton, Obama and John Edwards, compared with $5.75 million to Republicans Rudy Giuliani, John McCain and Mitt Romney. Edwards, a former senator from North Carolina and a trial lawyer, leads the pack, backed mainly by attorneys who sue on behalf of shareholders and individuals.

This is why the election is almost already decided, without a whole lot more left than the set pieces in Iowa and New Hampshire, which give the few "regular Americans" who follow this melodrama a sense of comfort and ritual. Primaries! Speeches delivered atop a hay bale in a corn field! That little Dunkin' Donuts by the motel where all the reporters stay in New Hampshire! Everybody knows that the GOP gets sent home to learn some manners & decorum on November 4, and the only real mystery remaining is what side of the Hillary-Obama-Edwards triangle will have to fall off: Obama or Edwards?

Edwards? Didn't he kind of doom himself out of the race already with his Kerry-esque ability to not really pull off the "regular American" bullshit candidates are required to pull off until November 4? Not if the thousands of other multi-millionaire lawyers have anything to say about it! There's a reason John Edwards keeps showing up on magazine covers and such long after anyone could legitimately have any interest in him.

Anyway, what exactly besides Iraq and the crushing federal debt and all the insanely crookedly run federal departments makes the corporate lawyers agree with the overwhelming majority of voting Americans that Republicans shouldn't even bother campaigning this time around?

"The illegal warrantless wiretapping of American citizens" and the "self-aggrandizing claims of executive power" are influencing donations, said [Floyd] Abrams, a partner at New York's Cahill Gordon & Reindel. "These are not the centrist views that used to attract the middle-of-the-road, often conservative lawyers."

Business and international relations flourished under Bill Clinton, Hillary's husband, and gave ``a sense of comfort'' with the idea of a Democratic president, Abrams said.

Can anything change the inevitable results in 2008? Yes, two things: Cheney can start a war with somebody even though the Bush Family seems to have reclaimed the Pentagon and CIA from the rogue former family loyalist, and then hopefully we'll have a "civil war," or the smart & popular guy who owns the financial-news empire that provided all these interesting quotes from corporate attorneys may jump in the race as an independent with a crushing $500 million campaign fund that he collects by simply checking under his sofa cushions.

Kenneth Starr's Law Firm Gives More Money to Clinton [Bloomberg]


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