Sane person.

The 2016 election sure is bringing out the drama queens of the American right wing. During the Values Voter Summit, teabagger Kentucky Gov. Matt Bevin -- remember him? He has defended cock-fighting on "states' rights" and "the founding fathers loved cock too!" grounds, and is generally an asshole -- spoke, and boy howdy with biscuits and gravy on top, he went all apocalyptic, claiming that if Hillary Clinton is elected, EVERYONE WILL DIE. This will happen because something something "blood of tyrants and patriots," and bad news, it's going to be your adorable little grandkids who have to die to save us from Tyrant Hillary:

Somebody asked me yesterday, I did an interview and they said, “Do you think it’s possible, if Hillary Clinton were to win the election, do you think it’s possible that we’ll be able to survive? That we would ever be able to recover as a nation? And while there are people who have stood on this stage and said we would not, I would beg to differ. But I will tell you this: I do think it would be possible, but at what price? At what price? The roots of the tree of liberty are watered by what? The blood, of who? The tyrants to be sure, but who else? The patriots. Whose blood will be shed? It may be that of those in this room. It might be that of our children and grandchildren. I have nine children. It breaks my heart to think that it might be their blood that is needed to redeem something, to reclaim something, that we through our apathy and our indifference have given away.

Hillary Clinton, of course, is the very mainstream nominee of a political party that has more adherents than Matt Bevin's party has, and she's eminently qualified. But somehow she is a threat to our very freedom, because as we all know, in Republican syphilis brain-land, Democrats are an illegitimate party and Hillary Clinton is a murderer. Or something.

So, riffing off Thomas Jefferson (who had no idea lame-brained dildos in tri-cornered hats with IQs hovering in the high double digits would steal his words for their idiot cause), Bevin says OF COURSE the blood of the tyrants (Hillary) must be spilled, but also the blood of the patriots, who are your kiddies and grandkiddies and also Matt Bevin's nine kids. All must die to save us from Monster Hillary, with her emails and her Benghazis and whatever other evils she is concealing in her assorted pantsuits.

Bevin also referenced Martin Niemöller's famous "First they came for the socialists" poem, to really drive home the idea that all the Good Americans are going to have to stand up and die, in order to save America.

Now, to be fair, earlier in his speech, Bevin seemed to suggest that Hillary Clinton is not the ONLY reason the little tykes will have to get killed dead, to save America. It's also the fault of the homo-queers and ladies who have abortions:

It’s a slippery slope. First, we’re killing children, then it’s "Don’t ask, don’t tell," now it’s this gender-bending kind of "don’t be a bigot," "don’t be unreasonable," "don’t be unenlightened, heaven forbid," "just keep your mouth shut."

Now you might think Bevin is just being a Gloomy Gus, but note that in context, he's trying to comfort naysayers who believe America is ruined forever if Hillary wins just like it's ruined forever every single time a Democrat wins, past, present or future. He's saying America can survive, but only as long as your grandbabies DIE FOR LIBERTY.

Now, of course, even though we have video of Bevin's full speech, you should know we're all misinterpreting his words, probably because we are lying liberals who like to lie so much. He wasn't talking about how all the kiddies will have to die to save us from The All-Powerful Devil Woman, he was just talking about the military and the fight against Radical Islamic Extremism. For real, those are the words he chose to "clarify" his comments, unless the Lexington Herald Leader is just another big liberal liar trying to make Bevin look bad:

“Today we have thousands of men and women in uniform fighting for us overseas and they need our full backing,” Bevin said in a statement. “We cannot be complacent about the determination of radical Islamic extremists to destroy our freedoms. Nor can we allow apathy and indifference to allow our culture to crumble from within. We need strong leadership at every level of government to defend our Constitution and our republic. We must fight to preserve the exceptionalism and the promise of America, because America is worth it.”

Bad answer, dickcheese, you were talking about America getting destroyed and everybody having to die because Hillary Clinton was elected president. We know this because WE WATCHED YOUR FACEHOLE SAY IT.

Anyway, these people have absolutely lost their shit, and they are going to lose even more of their shit when Hillary is elected, so we have that to look forward to, HOORAY!

[Right Wing Watch / Lexington Herald Leader]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Welcome to another edition of Yr Sunday Nice Things feature, where we take a break from the daily craziness so we can decompress for a little while. Today, we're going to relax with the ineffable mental calm that comes from an oddly rectangular English cow. It's really beautiful to see what can happen when people all over the internet come together to collaborate on a little art project. We call it...

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