Kentucky’s Worst Senator, Rand Paul, Declares War On CDC, Public Health

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GOP Senator Rand Paul from Kentucky has served as a perpetual disinformation machine regarding COVID-19. Sunday, on the day the Lord set aside for theatre matinees, he released a new video on Twitter urging people to ignore CDC guidelines. “It's time for us to resist," he declared as the COVID-19 Delta variant rages throughout his state. “They can't arrest all of us."

That's truly the whitest statement ever made. America is actually quite effective at incarcerating excessive amounts of people. It's sort of the nation's core competency. Black folks are like, "Oh, we think they can arrest all of us. They've been trying ever since slavery ended."


Paul tells viewers, “We don't have to accept the mandates, lockdowns, and the harmful policies of the petty tyrants and bureaucrats. We can simply say, 'No! Not again.' Nancy Pelosi, you will not arrest or stop me or anyone on my staff from doing our jobs."

Do these "jobs" involve spreading COVID-19 to everyone via their unvaccinated, maskless faces? The masking policy comes from the Capitol's attending physician, not Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who simply abides by it like a mature adult. Capitol Police can arrest people who don't follow the rule, but they are more likely to report the issue to the House Sergeant of Arms. Republicans like Senator Ted Cruz might claim Pelosi is “drunk on power" and running around arresting people, but they are liars.

PAUL: We have either had COVID, had the vaccine, or been offered the vaccine. We will make our own health choices.

Paul fiercely opposes abortion, which is a healthcare choice that doesn't impact anyone outside a pregnant person's body. Just saying.

Also, the average senator's age is 64, so Paul's personal health choices clearly don't take his more vulnerable colleagues into account.

PAUL: We will not show you a passport. We will not wear a mask. We will not be forced into random screenings and testings so you can continue your drunk with power reign over the Capitol!

Presumably, he's still ranting about Pelosi, as if she gets off on enforcing public health measures and will soon start arresting patriots who don't wash their hands after using the Capitol bathrooms.

PAUL: President Biden, we will not accept your agency's mandates or your reported moves toward a lockdown.

There are no such reported moves. White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki told reporters Friday that “we are not going to lock down our economy, or our schools." On the upside, Paul does refer to Biden as “President Biden," which is sadly a lowest common denominator level of respect (and acceptance of reality) that many Republicans fail to embrace.

Paul said that "no one should follow the CDC's anti-science mask mandates," and if federal agencies were to shut down again, he threatened to "stop every bill coming through the Senate" with a BS amendment defunding them. Paul's the same asshole who blocked an anti-lynching bill. He's not a constructive force.

Paul also opposed any reasonable efforts to keep kids safe when they return to school. He said that children are at no more risk from COVID than they are from the seasonal flu, which is true only if by “flu" he means the plague. Actual doctors confirm that the highly contagious Delta variant is making children sicker, and more quickly. Meanwhile children under 12 are not yet eligible for the vaccine.

PAUL: Every adult who works in schools has either had the vaccine or had their chance to get vaccinated.

And if those adults are entitled, moronic anti-vaxxers, they are putting kids at risk. Even vaccinated adults can transmit the Delta variant. This is why vaccine and mask mandates are necessary.

After subjecting us to fact-less lies about COVID-19's impact on children, Paul threatened to defund any school that prioritized the safety of its students, and vowed to derail the Senate more than usual, so that anti-vax parents can choose to send their kids to some COVID-19 breeding ground.

Halfway through a video that should've been yanked for spreading misinformation, Paul shared with us his medical bonafides: “I practiced medicine for 33 years. I graduated from Duke medical school. I've worked in emergency rooms. I've studied immunology and virology. And I ultimately chose to become an eye surgeon."

This is especially dangerous because unsuspecting people might assume Paul knows what he's talking about, but as Dr. Anthony Fauci made clear, he absolutely does not.

PAUL: Do I sound fed up to you? That's because I am.

No, you just sound like an asshole.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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