Kimberly Guilfoyle Selling Sheets Now, For Sleeping With StinkHair McMoistBodies Like Don Jr.
Happy reading, everyone.
Hey.
You been losing sleep?
Are your bedsheets covered with thick, moist fur?
Kimberly Guilfoyle's are, apparently, maybe possibly?
You know, because she is sleeping with Donald Trump Jr., on purpose, and not because she was double-dared by a cruel old wizard.
And that is why she is (of course) selling sheets, because these people are only and always grifting. Besides, with Mike Lindell and his MyPillows we imagine it made sense for Guilfoyle to sell some MySheets.
Maybe one day between all Donald Trump's friends and family of grifters you will have all the products you need for your boudoir and your bathroom.
Eric can make some MyBedrails so he doesn't fall out of bed at night.
Rudy can make some rejuvenating MyOldBallsCream for those days when you just got dark circles under your balls.
We are sure we could think of more funny ideas, if we felt like it.
Anyway, this post is for Kimberly Guilfoyle, must credit Kimberly Guilfoyle.
“Guilfoyle is now selling sheets. She says she has them and says they are great because sometimes their bed gets really hot because Junior is a big guy and really hairy so sometimes she has to kick a leg out to cool down.”
— Ron Filipkowski (@Ron Filipkowski) 1682977356
“The bedding is temperature-regulated so you sleep just right. It is literally on our bed. We have these sheets, they’re fantastic. They keep just the right temperature. Don’t you hate it when you have a hot bed and you kick a leg out, da da da da?"
All of this is actually totally normal so far. Sometimes you're too hot, but you kick one leg out and somehow pretty much all humans do that and it's all better.
Kimberly Guilfoyle: There's one normal thing about her!
You ready for it to get weird? She's about to try to humanize it for us. She's gonna tell us about her life and why she loves these sheets so much. She's going to make us imagine her very normal self sleeping on these sheets.
"You know, you share a bed with Don Junior," she explained, and that was when you threw up.
"He’s like a big guy," she says, and there you are, still not buying sheets.
"He’s hairy, ha ha ha," she says.
Is there something particular about Junior that it's important to have that moisture-wicking technology?
Is there something about his particular brand of hairy that requires it? Are these idiots trying to sleep in a full-sized bed or something?
"So you have to have the Cozy Earth sheets, I’m telling you," she says.
She's telling us.
Here is how she tells things:
Giphy
Don't you want to buy some of those sheets now?
Would it help if we reminded you that Junior's nickname in college was reportedly Diaper Don? You know, because of what it said in Emily Jane Fox's book Born Trump about what he used to do in other people's beds?
While an undergraduate at the University of Pennsylvania, Trump Jr. reportedly earned a reputation around campus for his rowdy, inebriated habits — notably, passing out in his classmates' rooms, and wetting their beds.
"Diaper Don would wake up in some stranger's dorm room or off-campus apartment or bedroom in his frat house, covered in piss, walk back to his own room, and get blitzed that evening or the next anew," Fox writes.
Moisture-wicking technology.
This isn't Kimberly Guilfoyle's personal company, she is just hawking them because we guess they don't mind giving kickbacks to Kimberly Guilfoyle. Apparently you get a discount if you type her name at checkout.
Because, you know, she's just so good at selling sheets.
In summary and conclusion, buy some sheets!
screengrab via
Or don't.
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Apparently he's just over 6 ft tall. So, kinda tall-ish.
I have a Kia Soul that's stick shift. Think that helps deter theft?