Wives! They are always like "no you may not put your Marriage Stick in the whore'sPenis Home and rub it up and down a lot," and other unfair things! But Vance McAllister, the Christly congressman who was putting his dick on that lady until he got BUSTED on VIDEO, knows how to pick them, because his wife is all like "it is cool honey no probs oh hey where is all the Valium is it here are you the Valium?" and he is like, "SCORE."

OK, first of all, that lady is pretty, while her "husband," Vance McAllister, is ... well, believe it or not, we at Wonkette do not actually usually make fun of people's looks except WHAT IS A MAN SO GROSS -- RIGHT? -- DOING WITH SUCH A PURTY LADY. We are guessing "pigfucker fetish"? Second, can we get whatever bulk rate discount on Pall-Malls Kelly McAllister is getting? Because she sounds rad and hard. Third, there's not really a third. Dude's just gross -- right? -- and got two separate ladies to let him stick his thingie all up inside them and sweat and heave on their bodies and then make a gross orgasm face. Maybe he's packing? There. Now you will think about Vance McAllister and whether he's got a hog -- a sweaty, possibly pustulent and slicked with whore juice hog -- busting out of his zipper. You're welcome, America.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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