KKK And Black People Celebrate Post-Racial Harmony, With Their Fists
As promised, on Saturday, the Loyal White Knights Who Say "Ni" of the Ku Klux Klan traveled from North Carolina to Columbia, South Carolina, to hold their Great Big Sadfest over the removal of the Confederate flag from the Statehouse grounds. As it happened -- one of those little coinicidences, we guess -- the 50 or so Klansmen, who showed up without their robes were at the Capitol near the end of a nearby "Countering the Attack on Black Unity Rally” that had started before the Klan's little hatefest. The Black Unity rally was organized by "Black Lawyers for Justice and Black Educators for Justice, a Florida organization with links to the New Black Panther Party," according to MSNBC, and while the two groups were separated by barriers, they were still within megaphone distance of each other. Some of the counter-protesters managed to grab a Klansman's precious Confederate flag and rip it to pieces, and although at least one fistfight broke out, there were no serious injuries.
The Guardian offered a glimpse into the motives of Klansman William Bader, an "imperial wizard in the Trinity White Knights" of Divine Vengeance and Eternal Bedwetting, who
drove hundreds of miles from Kentucky -- or, rather, “Klantucky”, as he quipped -- to Columbia, all in hopes of defending the flag on a sweltering Saturday afternoon.
“They took our flag, so be it,” said Bader, a member of the Ku Klux Klan for the past two decades. “They’re taking our heritage from us. They’re taking the freedom out of America.”
Who says the KKK isn't full of quick wits? Bader and his Klanbuddies were afforded police protection while they marched around and complained that they were oppressed, demonstrating the absence of freedom in America. Another Thought Leader of the New South offered these astute observations:
“The blacks have been out here attacking people, stealing people’s property, taking their flags,” said Steven Johnson, a South Carolina father of two who was among those waving Nazi flags during the rally. “I’m scared of what my family’s about to grow up with.”
We wouldn't worry too much, Mr. Johnson. If, for instance, your two kids ever escape their poisonous upbringing, they'll appreciate having grown up with a deep sense of irony.
For the sake of "balance," we guess, The Guardian included this portrait of extreme rhetoric from the Black Unity rally:
An African American activist, Malik Stroman, waved a Pan-African flag and a sweater with a middle finger printed on top of a Confederate flag. In between attempts to rile up KKK members, he chastised the disproportionate response of local law enforcement officers, whom he felt protected the white supremacists, something he said wouldn’t have happened for a comparable black group.
“The KKK is like a gang,” Stroman said. “Now, if we said a whole lot of bloods were going to have a rally, all of them would be locked up. But the KKK can come up here and get protected.”
OK, sure, that's more trolling than extremism, we'd say, but that is one awesome shirt:
And out of the whole KKK Klusterfuck emerged at least one reassuring reminder that, as one of the 20th century's greatest optimists said, "In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart." Gov. Nikki Haley's deputy chief of staff, Rob Godfrey, snapped a photo of a black State Trooper helping a Klansman wearing a swastika T-shirt up the stairs of the Capitol after the racist looked like he was about to keel over from the over 90-degree temperatures:
The officer in the photo is Public Safety Director Leroy Smith, Godfrey and a department spokeswoman said.
"He was assisting with crowd control on the stairs where the KKK was rallying," spokeswoman Sherri Iacobelli said.
Smith was helping the man find shelter and water as temperatures soared into the high 90s.
"He had observed that the person appeared to be feeling ill from the heat and needed assistance," Iacobelli said. "He was helping get him up the stairs the statehouse so that he could receive emergency medical care."
Officer Smith may be a far better man than a lot of us, we'll admit.
No comment was available from the gentleman whom Smith assisted, so we'll just put Huck Finn's words in his mouth: "It was fifteen minutes before I could work myself up to go and humble myself to a ni****; but I done it, and I warn’t ever sorry for it afterwards, neither." Oh, who are we kidding? Huck was an innocent; this asshole probably went home and sulked over the injustice of it all -- making the mighty KKK look weak and stuff.
Fortunately for the exhausted Klan guy, along came this other photo of Brave Sir Robin, of the Super-Whitey Tighty Righty Knighties of the EverLovin' Ted Nugent Chapter of the KKK, who personally wet himself at the rally:
As Tommy Christopher over at the Daily Banter says, "The guy goes from Aryan Nation to urination in about one hot second [...] He must be the Grand Wizzer."
Molotov on your micturition, sir. This photo really tied the whole rally together, man.
Update: Awww, it turns out that the pants-pisser is 'shopped.
Wee apologize for the error, but we're not too yellow to admit it when we miss, because we care about our readers: Urinal our thoughts.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.