DING DONG the Graham-Cassidy bill is dead, probably. Thanks to John McCain, PBUH, and badass Susan Collins, Republicans' last, worst chance to kill Obamacare under this fall's budget reconciliation is kaput.


Yeah, Rand Paul was against it, too. But he was just mad it didn't kill MORE people, so that guy can piss right off.

Lisa Murkowski was probably a "no" after Alaska Governor Bill Walker called it a reeking pile of polar bear shit last week. Even Ted Cruz could read the writing on the wall and was pretending to withhold his vote because of policy concerns.

(Hey, Lindsey Graham! Remember that time when you said, "If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody would convict you?" No? Because Ted Cruz does.)

Sadly, Republicans won't get the chance to gut Medicaid and take health insurance away from 30 million Americans. At least not right away. But thanks for playing, Dean Heller! Maybe next August you can spend summer break doing something more productive, like hitting yourself in the head with a rubber mallet!

So, let's pause for a second to ask the obvious question.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?!?

Via CBS

Did Republicans just try to ram through a massive change to the entire country's healthcare system with no debate and no CBO score? Passing that POS bill would have been a disaster for Republicans!

They were going to break every norm of the Senate, spend literally two minutes debating it, and then pass something with a 20% approval rating that was opposed by every major medical and insurance group in the country? Who the hell rushes headlong into a buzzsaw like that?

Whores, that's who!

It's not that Republicans don't care care about your sick baby, or your preexisting condition, or your lack of maternity care. It's just that they care about these guys more.

Doug Deason

Charles Koch

David Kock

These guys write the checks that fund Republican election campaigns, and they are NOT HAPPY. Nobody likes paying taxes, but these fellas really hate it. So they cooked up some horsecrap about government turning people into lazy, socialist takers. They're not just greedy bastards who don't want to contribute to society. Perish the thought! They're patriotic Americans who know that becoming homeless due to medical bills is just the motivation those shiftless poors need to get off of government cheese!

No, just kidding. They're greedy bastards. And back in June, when the House was having trouble coming up with a sufficiently evil Obamacare repeal plan, they summoned Republican serfs congressmen to Colorado Springs to remind them who was really in charge. Per AP,

Texas-based donor Doug Deason has already refused to host a fundraiser for two members of Congress and informed House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, R-Calif., his checkbook is closed as well.

"Get Obamacare repealed and replaced, get tax reform passed," Deason said in a pointed message to GOP leaders. "You control the Senate. You control the House. You have the presidency. There's no reason you can't get this done. Get it done and we'll open it back up."

That's right, boys! They're closing the "Dallas piggy bank" until they start seeing a return on their investment.

"[w]e're closing the checkbook until you get some things done,'" Deason said, noting he's encouraged nearly two dozen major Texas donors to follow his lead.

The Koch brothers' Americans for Prosperity PAC is cracking the whip as well. Via NBC,

“Our network voraciously [sic] opposed Medicaid expansion in state after state,” said Tim Phillips, head of Americans for Prosperity, during a session with reporters who had to be invited to attend.

“These Republicans who expanded Medicaid were flatly wrong,” Phillips added, referring to Govs. Brian Sandoval of Nevada and John Kasich of Ohio among others. “So we’re going to continue holding these Republicans accountable.”

He seems nice! But what did he mean by "holding those Republicans accountable"? Was that a threat to sic his 400 staffers and $300-400 million budget on any Republican who steps out of line?

YOU BET YOUR ASS IT WAS!

Today, Luther Strange is about to join Lisa Murkowski and Eric Cantor in the club of Republican incumbents who got knocked out of the primary by a challenger from the right. (Murkowski won as a write-in candidate, because she is the boss.) If the Koch brothers start writing checks to Dean Heller's RWNJ opponent Danny Tarkanian, Heller's prognosis for 2018 goes from serious to fatal. The same goes for Jeff Flake and several congressmen. So when the Koch brothers talk, these guys listen.

AP reports that Republican donors are desperate to kill Obamacare and leech their tax cuts out of the economy before the 2018 midterms.

Another Koch donor, Chris Wright, of Colorado, predicted Republicans have a 10-month window before any chance of major policy action is suffocated by next year's midterms.

"If we don't get anything done by then, the elections probably don't go very well," Wright said. "They may not go well anyway."

So the robber barons are clapping, and their congressmen are dancing as fast as they can. Was Graham-Cassidy a real attempt to kill people? Or just a headfake to show the donors that Republicans really gave it the old college try?

Either way, VOTE THESE HEARTLESS BASTARDS OUT!

[AP / NBC]

Our invitation to the Robber Baron Jamboree in Colorado Springs must have gotten lost in the mail. So we can't rely on those sweetsweet Koch Bucks, and we have to come to you guys! Please click!

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.

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