SO MUCH POPCORN! Three days after the Kansas GOP gubernatorial primary, Lord King Votefucker Kris Kobach and Lieutenant Governor Jeff Colyer are still duking it out. Having devoted his entire career to pretending that American elections are riddled with corruption, Kobach is now insisting that his narrow lead -- currently 121 votes -- is totally legit. And if you don't believe him, you can trust the integrity of Kansas's Secretary of State Kris Kobach!

That's right, the guy who was just held in contempt of court and ordered to stop screwing with Kansas's voter registration process is overseeing the tabulation of his own gubernatorial election. Why ever not? It was probably just an accident that the secretary of state added 100 votes to his total when recording the tally from Thomas County. And the discrepancies between reported votes and the secretary's website will get cleaned up eventually!

Strangely, Jeff Colyer is less than confident in Kobach's tabulations. Kobach's been telling county election officials to toss out mail-in ballots with smudged postmarks, on the theory that there's no proof mail received on August 9 was mailed before midnight on election day, August 8. Which, well .... okay. And there are credible reports that many registered Republicans were forced to vote with provisional ballots.

So yesterday, Colyer sent Kobach a letter requesting that he step the fuck back from the whole process and let the Kansas attorney general take the wheel, because it would be a goddamn shame if Kobach did something stupid and wound up DISBARRED.

I believe that the designation of the Attorney General as a neutral party to advise county election officials on these matters will help ensure the confidence of the voting public in the outcome of the primary election. Inasmuch as you are a licensed attorney, I also want you to be comfortable that your role is consistent with Kansas Rule of Professional Responsibility 1.7(a)(2), which prohibits an attorney from giving advice in a matter in which they are personally interested.

Kobach initially dismissed the suggestion, going on Lou Dobbs's Russian Reacharound Hoedown to collect an attaboy from the big man.

Media Matters has the video.

DOBBS: Some have said that you should step aside, as overseeing the process as Secretary of State. I have to tell you straight up, I'm delighted to see a Republican official who doesn't instantly bow to a Democratic demand, or -- or another Republican demand, in some cases, and recuse himself. Either you have integrity, and that is the test, or you don't.

Either Kris Kobach, who was just ordered to take a remedial course in legal education after flouting a court order, has integrity, or he doesn't, says Lou Dobbs, the blind squirrel of Fox Business.

After the Thomas County vote fracas, Kobach did agree to recuse himself from the actual tabulation. Whether he'll keep out of the mail-ins and provisionals is another matter. But let's all thank Donald Trump for this shitshow. Because without his last-second endorsement, Colyer would likely have beaten Kobach by a few thousand votes.

Republican Governors begged Trump to stay out of contested GOP primaries. Instead, President Blabberthumbs saddled them with the weaker candidate in Georgia, where lunatic Brian Kemp is running as the guy most likely to point a shotgun at his daughter's hapless boyfriend. In Michigan, he endorsed Bill Schuette, who trails Democrat Gretchen Whitmer in the polls and can't even get the support of sitting Republican Governor Rick Snyder. And now he's taken a giant dump on the Kansas gubernatorial race. Because whoever wins, Colyer and Kobach will have smeared so much crap on each other during the inevitable recount that they'll go into the general election stinking to high heaven.

And the only way that Kansas could possibly wind up with a Democratic governor is by running a shitty candidate who's covered in an extra layer of shit. Throw Greg Orman, a well-funded Libertarian, into the mix, and it's anybody's call. The Wichita Eagle reported that Democrat Laura Kelly had a strong chance to beat Kobach:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

And that was BEFORE this primary election fuckery. Thanks, Mr. President!

So, once again, we find ourselves in the bizarre position of cheering on that vote-rigging sumbitch Kobach. War does make strange bedfellows!


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[The Wichita Eagle / Colyer Letter / Media Matters / AP]

Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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