SO MUCH POPCORN! Three days after the Kansas GOP gubernatorial primary, Lord King Votefucker Kris Kobach and Lieutenant Governor Jeff Colyer are still duking it out. Having devoted his entire career to pretending that American elections are riddled with corruption, Kobach is now insisting that his narrow lead -- currently 121 votes -- is totally legit. And if you don't believe him, you can trust the integrity of Kansas's Secretary of State Kris Kobach!

That's right, the guy who was just held in contempt of court and ordered to stop screwing with Kansas's voter registration process is overseeing the tabulation of his own gubernatorial election. Why ever not? It was probably just an accident that the secretary of state added 100 votes to his total when recording the tally from Thomas County. And the discrepancies between reported votes and the secretary's website will get cleaned up eventually!

Strangely, Jeff Colyer is less than confident in Kobach's tabulations. Kobach's been telling county election officials to toss out mail-in ballots with smudged postmarks, on the theory that there's no proof mail received on August 9 was mailed before midnight on election day, August 8. Which, well .... okay. And there are credible reports that many registered Republicans were forced to vote with provisional ballots.

So yesterday, Colyer sent Kobach a letter requesting that he step the fuck back from the whole process and let the Kansas attorney general take the wheel, because it would be a goddamn shame if Kobach did something stupid and wound up DISBARRED.

I believe that the designation of the Attorney General as a neutral party to advise county election officials on these matters will help ensure the confidence of the voting public in the outcome of the primary election. Inasmuch as you are a licensed attorney, I also want you to be comfortable that your role is consistent with Kansas Rule of Professional Responsibility 1.7(a)(2), which prohibits an attorney from giving advice in a matter in which they are personally interested.

Kobach initially dismissed the suggestion, going on Lou Dobbs's Russian Reacharound Hoedown to collect an attaboy from the big man.

Media Matters has the video.

DOBBS: Some have said that you should step aside, as overseeing the process as Secretary of State. I have to tell you straight up, I'm delighted to see a Republican official who doesn't instantly bow to a Democratic demand, or -- or another Republican demand, in some cases, and recuse himself. Either you have integrity, and that is the test, or you don't.

Either Kris Kobach, who was just ordered to take a remedial course in legal education after flouting a court order, has integrity, or he doesn't, says Lou Dobbs, the blind squirrel of Fox Business.

After the Thomas County vote fracas, Kobach did agree to recuse himself from the actual tabulation. Whether he'll keep out of the mail-ins and provisionals is another matter. But let's all thank Donald Trump for this shitshow. Because without his last-second endorsement, Colyer would likely have beaten Kobach by a few thousand votes.

Republican Governors begged Trump to stay out of contested GOP primaries. Instead, President Blabberthumbs saddled them with the weaker candidate in Georgia, where lunatic Brian Kemp is running as the guy most likely to point a shotgun at his daughter's hapless boyfriend. In Michigan, he endorsed Bill Schuette, who trails Democrat Gretchen Whitmer in the polls and can't even get the support of sitting Republican Governor Rick Snyder. And now he's taken a giant dump on the Kansas gubernatorial race. Because whoever wins, Colyer and Kobach will have smeared so much crap on each other during the inevitable recount that they'll go into the general election stinking to high heaven.

And the only way that Kansas could possibly wind up with a Democratic governor is by running a shitty candidate who's covered in an extra layer of shit. Throw Greg Orman, a well-funded Libertarian, into the mix, and it's anybody's call. The Wichita Eagle reported that Democrat Laura Kelly had a strong chance to beat Kobach:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

And that was BEFORE this primary election fuckery. Thanks, Mr. President!

So, once again, we find ourselves in the bizarre position of cheering on that vote-rigging sumbitch Kobach. War does make strange bedfellows!


Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Look, it's a NICE TIMES post! Thow a tip in the jar, or subscribe and help Yr Wonkette live forever!

[The Wichita Eagle / Colyer Letter / Media Matters / AP]

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

Donate with CC

Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

Donate with CC

While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

  • Saturday, Aug 11th ....... Seattle, WA
    Discovery Park, 4-7pm
  • Sunday, Aug 12th ....... Bellingham, WA
    Sunnyland Park, 2-5pm
  • Sunday, Aug 19th ....... Spokane, WA
    Audubon Park, 2-5pm

Read More

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc