Donate
Fun with cropping!

Kris Kobach, who is the World's Worst Trial Lawyer (Rudy Giuliani doesn't do trials any more), the Kansas secretary of state, and also Kansas's Republican nominee for governor, had a lousy long weekend. Friday, the Kansas Supreme Court ordered a grand jury investigation into a claim that Kobach deliberately avoided registering eligible voters in 2016. Then Tuesday morning, former Kansas Governor Bill Graves, a fellow Republican, endorsed Kobach's Democratic opponent, Laura Kelly, because holy hopped-up Cthulhu on a continent-sized Roomba, have you seen what a skeevy asshole Kobach is?


The grand jury thing actually derives from a weird and brilliant thing in Kansas law left over from when the state did Good Government: Kansas is one of just six states where citizens can file a petition demanding a grand jury investigation. After the 2016 election, Lawrence resident Steven Davis gathered the required number of signatures to call a grand jury to look into whether Kobach (or the secretary of state's office) had

engaged in "destroying, obstructing, or failing to deliver online voter registration," as well as possessing falsely made or altered registration books, preventing qualified electors from voting, and "being grossly neglectful with respect to their election duties."

Kobach has said the whole thing is politically motivated, since Davis was an unsuccessful candidate for the Kansas legislature, and heaven knows if there's anything Kris Kobach abhors, it's playing politics with voter registration. When it's done by anyone but him.

The petitions were initially tossed out -- twice -- by a county court, where Douglas County Judge Peggy Kittel said the petition hadn't proven any specific crimes had taken place, but in June, a state appeals court said nah, mang, the state's petition laws allow "general allegations that, if proven to be true, would constitute crimes." Friday, the Kansas Supreme Court said, Yes You Are Right, get a rope grand jury together.

So while Kobach runs for governer as Mr. Tuff On Voter Fraud, he'll be investigated by a grand jury for maybe defrauding voters of the right to vote. NICE TIMES! This case, we should note, is entirely separate from this year's earlier federal trial that ended up tossing out Kansas's voter registration law, and finding Kobach in contempt of court, too, although that contempt charge stemmed from completely different voter-registration fuckery by Kobach.

After Friday's state Supreme Court funtimes, Kobach got another jolt Tuesday in the form of that endorsement of Laura Kelly in a statement by former Gov. Bill Graves, who served from 1995 to 2003, before the phrase "What's the Matter With Kansas?" became a sad cliché and the state's face and budget were eaten by leopards.

"Laura Kelly is the only Democrat I have ever endorsed for public office," Graves said in the statement. "And the reason I'm doing that now is because I believe so much is at stake in the state of Kansas. I have known Laura for over thirty years. She has all the qualities and all the capabilities that we are looking for to lead the state during this difficult time and to reestablish the state to what it once was."

Not surprisingly, the state GOP and Kobach insisted they were delighted with the development, because, as a GOP statement put it, "the defenders of the Topeka status quo are quivering in their loafers," and probably something about the state Deep State, too.

Graves's endorsement came even after the state's House majority leader, Don Hineman, sent out an email warning that no Republicans should even think of endorsing Kelly or perennial candidate Greg Orman, who's running as an independent. But hey, tough talk from Hineman, who said endorsing anyone other than Kobach "could well be a career-ending move for anyone who chose to do so." Guess Graves just doesn't know a threat when he sees one, huh?

Kobach pretended this was the best thing ever, too, issuing a statement saying,

There are two committed liberal candidates in the race, and I am happy that Graves was able to choose one to support. Kansas Democrats have a tough choice to make on the first Tuesday of November.

Yup, that liberal Greg Orman, who has previously run on repealing Obamacare and donated to Todd Akin and Scott Brown (but yeah, to some Dems too -- guy's all over the board).

In other news, Kris Kobach stepped barefoot in dogshit this morning and announced on Twitter that he he'd just owned the libs.

When the going gets weird, Yr Wonkette keeps you going. Click here to keep US going! or hit our tip jar below!

[Lawrence Journal-World / Kansas City Star / Kansas City Star]

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

$
Donate with CC

You guys, hi, hello, it is almost the holiday weekend, so we are going to share you a real video posted last night by "Doctor" Sebastian "Don't Call Me A Nazi" Gorka, that hilarious old knucklecuck. We guess now that he had to give up (or gave up voluntarily!) his Fox News contract, he just makes videos for the Twitter. Hoo ... ray?

Anyway, Gorka is super-excited that Donald Trump issued that order last night, giving Bill Barr all kinds of new powers to expose the Deep State for what it is and PROVE once and for all that the gremlins who live inside Trump's diarrhea are correct when they say Hillary ordered the Deep State to do an illegal witch hunt to Trump, yadda yadda yadda, you've seen these people huff paint before, we don't have to type it all.

Here is the video, after which Wonkette will either transcribe it OR we will provide our own dramatic interpretation. Which one will it be? We don't know! Would you be able to tell the difference between the two? We don't know!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

We want to say right here at the outset that we hate Julian Assange. Aside from the sexual assault allegations against him, and aside from the fact that he's just a generally stinky and loathsome person who reportedly smeared poop on the walls at the Ecuadorian embassy in London, while reportedly not taking care of his cat, an innocent creature, he acted as Russia's handmaiden during the 2016 election, in order to further Russia's campaign to steal it for Donald Trump. All signs point to his campaign being a success!

So we are justifiably happy when bad things happen to Julian Assange. We are happy his name is shit the world over, and that any reputation WikiLeaks used to have for being on the side of freedom and transparency has been stuffed down the toilet where it belongs. We are happy he looked like such a sad-ass loser when the Ecuadorian embassy finally kicked him out and he was arrested.

And quite frankly, we were OK with the initial charge against him recently unsealed in the Eastern District of Virginia. If you'll remember, he was charged with trying to help Chelsea Manning hack a password into the Defense Department, which is not what journalists do. Journalists do not drive the get-away car for sources. Journalists do not hold their sources' hair back while they're stealing classified intel. Assange is essentially accused of doing all that.

Now, put all that aside. Because -- and this is key -- journalists do publish secrets they are provided by sources. That's First Amendment, chapter and verse, American as fucking apple pie and fast-food-induced diabetes. And that is what much of the superseding indictment of Assange unsealed yesterday was about. (And nope, it wasn't about anything regarding Assange's ratfucking the 2016 election or Hillary's emails. Why would the Trump Justice Department prosecute anything about that? It's all about the older Chelsea Manning stuff, the stuff the Obama Justice Department considered charging Assange with, but ultimately declined, because of that little thing called the First Amendment.)

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc