Ladies Simply *Must* Be Told When They Are Nasty, Says Genteel Southern Trump Idiot
It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a woman in near possession of the Presidency must be in search of a man to tell her when she is being nasty.
Texas Republican Congressman and noted etiquette expert Brian Babin stopped by the Alan Colmes Show on Thursday to discuss Wednesday night's debate -- which he insisted Trump won, despite the fact that he very clearly did no such thing.
Upon being asked about one of the most talked about portions of the evening -- whereupon Trump called Clinton a "nasty woman" (t-shirt and other "Nasty Woman" paraphernalia now available in the Wonkette store!) -- Babin explained that he is a "genteel Southerner" and thus absolutely approved of describing Clinton in this way.
"I think sometimes a lady needs to be told when she's being nasty," Babin explained, gently fondling the chain on his monocle. "I do."
Certainly, by all rights, a lady must be told when she is being nasty. It is simply the gentlemanly thing to do. Like pulling out a chair or taking one's hat off or standing when she enters a room, it is a much honored tradition. In the Victorian era, a gentleman would signal to a woman that she was being nasty by using discreet signals with a fan, or loading her up with laughing gas against her will.
In the 1950s, this was accomplished by placing one's napkin on the right side of one's plate, raising an eyebrow and then throwing the entire table at the woman who dared offend you. T'was a kindness, really -- since, were she unable to learn this lesson, of not criticizing men for anything ever, she would simply never find a date to her debutante ball.
Of course, in our current era, we have to be more direct in our customs. Certainly, we cannot expect a classy and well-mannered fella like Donald Trump, who never has a bad word to say about anyone, to abide by Clinton being so vulgar as to mention his tendency to do everything possible to avoid paying for things right in front of God and everyone. As if it were not enough that she had already shown up to the debate, on her own, without a proper escort or chaperone. And wearing pants, by gum! She simply had to be corrected and put in her place! For her own good, really. God forbid she go out into the world, blithely criticizing the menfolk for not paying their workers or taxes, totally unaware that this is improper behavior for a lady in polite society. Otherwise, how will she ever find a husband?
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse