Lancaster, PA, Hero Cops So Protect And Serve-y They Forged Their Own Vaccine Cards

Cops

Cops across the country are whining about vaccine mandates and even going so far as to defund themselves rather than get vaccinated. However, two officers from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, were recently fired after they tried to fake proof of vaccination. Forging vaccine cards so they can patrol the streets, potentially spreading COVID-19 to unsuspecting people, gives new meaning to the term “dirty cop."

Officer Heather Schaeffer finagled a blank vaccination card from her cousin, who works in the military and is involved with vaccination efforts. Schaeffer made a copy and sold it to fellow Officer Benjamin Lapp for $20. Her thin blue line is apparently cheap as fuck. She can't just give the card to her “brother" in blue?

Lancaster doesn't even have a vaccine mandate for city employees. It's only strongly encouraged. Vaccinated employees don't have to wear masks in city buildings, though, so perhaps that was the appeal for Schaeffer and Lapp.


Captain Richard Mendez uncovered their scheme because Schaeffer and Lapp apparently wouldn't shut up about it at work. As smart criminals go, they are probably average police officers. They both admitted to submitting the fake cards back in September, and Lapp quickly rolled on his partner. He reportedly revealed that Schaeffer had other blank vaccination cards that she was maybe selling for the price of a large pizza and cheesy bread. It's possible that Schaeffer has been a bad cop for a while. Dr. Anthony Fauci didn't suddenly radicalize her.

The Lancaster County District Attorney's Office opened a criminal investigation on September 29, but Lancaster Online checked court documents Friday and confirmed that no criminal charges were filed against either Schaeffer or Lapp. After almost a month, though, the Lancaster Police Department finally fired their asses.

Lancaster PD released this statement on October 29:

As of October 21, 2021, following a Bureau of Police internal investigation into the use and submission of false records related to the City's COVID-19 reporting protocols, Heather Schaeffer and Benjamin Lapp have been terminated from their positions as police officers of the City of Lancaster for violating required standards of conduct, for conduct unbecoming an officer and for conduct suggesting they are unfit for service as police officers. In accordance with Lancaster City personnel policies, no additional information will be made available.

Schaeffer and Lapp ghosted on a due process hearing before city officials in October. Instead, they submitted letters saying they had nothing further to add. They might also appeal the termination or file a grievance through their protection racket police union.

Schaeffer and Lapp earned base salaries of $72,349 and $79,622, respectively. The average income of a Lancaster resident is $26,892. They gave this up because they didn't want to take a free and safe vaccine or, worst case, wear a damn mask in public spaces.

Meanwhile, in New York City, where there is a vaccine mandate for city employees, anti-vax cops are preparing for a public sick-out. Almost a third of New York Police department cops are reportedly unvaccinated against COVID-19. That's 10,000 of the roughly 35,000 uniformed NYPD officers who won't get a damn shot even when facing unpaid leave. The NYPD union is fighting for unvaccinated officers' right to potentially spread COVID-19 to people who can't avoid interactions with them. It's uncertain what impact the decrease in staff will have on New York's crime rates, but we're sure the cops and Fox News will blame vaccine mandates for every murder committed in New York from here on out.

They're a bunch of pathetic babies, but at least they aren't forging vaccine cards, so that's something.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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