Lara Trump Exposes Joe Biden As Un-American, Flag-Hating Stutterer
Joe Biden is likely the Democratic nominee for president, unless something unexpected occurs, so Republicans need to start considering ways to attack him now that extorting foreign governments is off the table. Fortunately for America if not Donald Trump, his daughter-in-law, Lara, is on the job. Lara Trump is an adviser to the president's re-election campaign, which sounds like one of those "no-show" jobs that mobsters set up for their useless relatives. During a "Women for Trump" event in Iowa this week, Trump said she felt "sad" for Biden. This is a woman who is currently married to one of Donald Trump's sons.
TRUMP: Can we just talk about the pool of candidates the Democrats have? Now their frontrunner, they say, is Joe Biden. Did anybody stay awake and watch some of that debate you guys had here? If you did, I'm sorry. It put everyone to sleep in my house. But I have two young kids so that's tremendous at my house. We're very happy about that.
Trump's 1980s Joan Rivers impersonation was fine and all, but then she decided to make personal digs about the way Joe Biden speaks. This is a strange political choice because Donald Trump talks like a James Joyce novel printed backwards. He literally rambled on about toilets, showers, and dishwashers at a rally this week.
TRUMP: I feel kind of sad for Joe Biden, and you know that's when it's not going well for him, right? I'm supposed to want him to fail at every turn, but every time he comes on stage or they turn to him I'm like "Joe can you get it out? Let's get the words out Joe."
Sarah Huckabee Sanders already workshopped a "Biden stutters like a common stutterer" routine during the last Democratic debate. She only humiliated herself ... some more. Maybe Trump thought her version of the material would kill in Iowa. It's such a petty, middle school insult, but Trumpists can only aspire to the emotional maturity of middle schoolers. The essential mean-spiritedness of a Republican can't comprehend that mocking Biden's stutter just isn't a political winner. He's been open about it for years now. It just humanizes him and reminds voters that, if he's the nominee, he'll be the only human in the general election. Colin Firth won an Oscar in 2010 for playing a head of state who overcame stuttering. There are no Oscars for best performance as an asshole who makes fun of someone who stutters.
TRUMP: The problem is [Biden's] their frontrunner, guys. They know that the people they're offering on the Democrat side have zero chance of beating Donald Trump, right?
It's a common and expected practice to claim the other party is only offering Keystone candidates for president. However, you might want to lay off that line of attack when your own candidate was just impeached for desperately and most likely criminally digging up dirt on their potential opponent. Sure, Donald Trump is so corrupt he'd probably cheat to win a game of solitaire, but he's still made a convincing argument that he's afraid of Biden.
Meanwhile, Lara Trump's "job" should at least require her to look at a poll or two. She should know that it's actually going pretty well for Biden right now. He's winning. He's surging in Iowa, where he'd previously been trailing Bernie Sanders, Elizabeth Warren, and Pete Buttigieg. He's leading most national and state polls. He's also beating Donald Trump's ass in head-to-head matchups, and Trump is an incumbent president presiding over a non-Herbert Hoover economy. It's good to be Joe Biden. It's never good to be Lara Trump.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).