Lara Trump To Furloughed Workers: Drop Dead
It's Day 33 of Donald Trump's government shutdown over his idiotic WALL. Far too many federal workers are without pay and are hurting. Don't worry, though, Trump has charged his incredibly competent surrogates with keeping up morale while the beatings continue.
Lara Trump, who is married to the president's son Eric and deserves it, was interviewed Tuesday on "Bold TV." That's apparently a real thing. She regurgitated some tired-ass racist talking points about Democrats "working on their tans" in Puerto Rico rather than working on behalf of their constituents. (Who don't want WALL, either.) She wrongly claimed "the people" back the president's WALL, and she stupidly pointed out that Trump has generously invited Democrats to the White House to negotiate. Does Lara realize that Nancy Pelosi has already been to the White House multiple times, with and without her gavel of death? She's visited when actual presidents lived there, even. Lara is talking up a trip to the Oval Office like it's Willy Wonka's chocolate factory: "The president handed out golden tickets! And the Democrats just ripped them up. Who does that?" (Not a real quote, but truthy!)
Bold TV Founder Carrie Sheffield asked Lara what she'd say to furloughed employees who are "coming to work" during Trump's shutdown and "not getting paid." Now dig how ignorant this lady is.
MRS. MORON-IN-LAW: It's not fair to you, and we all get that, but this is so much bigger than any one person. It is a little bit of pain, but it's going to be for the future of our country and their children and their grandchildren and generations after them will thank them for their sacrifice right now.
Lara totally gets that the shutdown is not "fair" to furloughed workers. That's why she's talking to them like she's Squealer from Animal Farm: "You are tired but happy! You've had a hard year, but WALL will compensate for everything. Why, it is almost half built now, and if you suffer through the harsh coming winter, we could add another foot to WALL!"
Lara has gall of steel to thank federal employees for their service as if they're soldiers drafted into a war. She's likely never had to sacrifice anything greater than skipping leg day once. Republicans practically called Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez "Comrade Commie" when she proposed a 70 percent marginal tax rate for the very wealthy so that poor Americans don't get ringworm. Yet the same people who foam at the mouth whenever AOC opens hers will barely utter a peep over Lara Trump suggesting federal employees "work harder" for the glorious father-in-law. If a few hundred thousand keel over and are sent to the glue factor before WALL goes up, their kids in foster care will certainly appreciate their service.
Folks are already calling this a "let them eat cake" moment. Marie-Antoinette never actually said anything so callous, and even if she did, she'd have to hold Lara Trump's beer after this bullshit. Shifting from high to low literary references, it's also worth pointing out how much Lara sounds like the sociopathic mother from Flowers in the Attic: "Just have patience. Be understanding! And what fun you lose now -- your house, custody of your kids, I'll make up to you later, a thousandfold!"
Lara later admitted during the Bold TV interview that the president won't just reopen the government and negotiate without hostages because he'd have no "hand" to play. He'd also have no "card." He would lack metaphors is what she's saying. Lara insists that if we don't act "now," our broken immigration system will "never get fixed." Is WALL only available on QVC? Calm down, lady.
Quick question: Does Lara Trump strike you as the type of person who is capable of a spontaneous thought, even if it's a terrible one? No, right? So, that means the repulsive words that came out of her mouth were focus-group tested within what passes for a brain trust inside the White House before she memorized them off flash cards. Seriously, these people are sick.
Lara Trump recently became senior consultant on the president's re-election campaign, so maybe if there's justice she'll have to get Senator Kamala Harris on the phone for her father-in-law when he has to concede next year. Now that, we believe, is a "little bit of pain" generations will gladly thank her for later.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).