Lara Trump 'Guesses' Mad Max Army Just Gonna Have To Guard Southern Border With Guns

Immigrants

Republicans want you to believe there's a “border crisis." The Biden administration concedes that the situation at the border is is "especially difficult" and a “challenge." While folks debate messaging, migration at the border is climbing, which includes a record number of unaccompanied minors.

When it's in their political best interests, Republicans are very good at identifying a problem and telling you who's to blame for it. They are less successful, in fact they downright suck, at coming up with sensible solutions. This is a party of demagogues, not problem solvers.

Friday, Lara Trump, the former White House squatter's daughter-in-law, appeared on Fox News's "Justice With Judge Jeanine." She slammed President Joe Biden's border response as “disgraceful" and offered some well-reasoned, America-first policy solutions.

Haha just kidding, she just shouted grossness at the screen.


TRUMP: I don't know what to tell the people that live at the southern border. I guess they better arm up, get guns and be ready, and maybe they'll have to start taking matters into their own hands. It should never happen. These people should never make this dangerous journey here.

Trump admits she doesn't know what to say about all this, but proceeds to advise Americans living at the border to “arm up, get guns and be ready." Ignorance often leads to violence, but rarely so quickly. This was just a couple sentences. Last year, Lara Trump accused Biden of not being “vocal enough" about “defund the police," because he apparently need to spend every waking minute rejecting positions he's already repeatedly said he doesn't support. But Ms. Blue Lives Matter has zero faith in law enforcement at the southern border. The local cops must spend too much time at doughnut shops in El Paso. Now, all that's left is vigilante justice.

It's like when Richard Pryor said aliens stopped coming to Earth in the 1950s after angry white people kept killing them.

Republicans briefly feigned humanitarian concern about their contrived “border crisis." Texas Senator Ted Cruz lamented the "kids in cages" at border detention facilities.

"We went and toured the Biden cages, you know, for four years we heard Democrats and the media talking about kids in cages under president Trump," [Cruz said]. "Joe Biden has built more cages, the cages are bigger, and they're more full."

Marco Rubio was also real bummed about the “kids in cages." The Florida senator, whose ass will make a great foot rest for Rep. Val Demings if she becomes the senator, tweeted in March, “The growing #BorderCrisis is a humanitarian calamity caused entirely by President Biden's words & actions. And it is going to get even worse."

We guess Lara Trump has reverted to her father-in-law's position that people crossing the border are all violent psychopaths. When Attorney General Jeff Sessions defended the Trump administration's grotesque family separation policy, he mocked the idea that migrant children were somehow innocent victims. (It didn't seem like he he even saw them as children, but rather as MS-13 members with pituitary conditions.)

[Sessions] recounted the outrage over his use of Scripture to defend border agents separating migrant children from their families, calling it "totally ridiculous." "I was right about that," he said. "I wish I'd fought it." Then, in a disturbing, guttural voice, he mocked much of the nation's reaction: "Nooooo, this is a poor child! They just want a job!"

During a news conference last week after meeting with Guatemalan President Alejandro Giammattei, Vice President Kamala Harris said, "I want to be clear to folks in this region who are thinking about making that dangerous trek to the United States-Mexico border: Do not come. Do not come."

Many liberals found this "disappointing," because the record number of people coming to the border recently are fleeing violence and corruption from their native countries. There is (theoretically at least) less violence and corruption in the United States. However, Harris is right that the journey to the US is dangerous.

Yes, the Trump administration was aggressively brutal, but the Biden administration, while legitimately concerned in the root causes behind the migration surge, will still enforce border laws. The vice president stated the obvious fact that "if you come to our border, you will be turned back." We don't have open borders, despite what Fox News might suggest. We do have dangerous, unstable Americans with guns, and assholes like Lara Trump who are egging them on.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes reviews for the A.V. Club and make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."

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