Larry Craig's Mixed-Up Muddled-Up Shook-Up Sex Scandal
Wacky toilet cruiser (and GOP Senator) Larry Craig is running his sex scandal in such a backasswards way that leading Republican strategists are dumbfounded. Larry's freakish strategy consists of pleading guilty to trying to fuck a cop in a Minneapolis public bathroom stall and then, weeks later, telling teevee cameras in Idaho that it's all the fault of the local newspaper, which hadn't yet run an article about him being a toilet cruiser, and then he says the plea was a "poor decision." Too bad he doesn't feel the same way about his well-known trawling of men's rooms for cock!
Anyway, legal experts say there's basically no way in hell Craig can get that guilty plea thrown out -- and even if he somehow magically got some judge in Minnesota to revisit the case, it would be revisited in the form of a public trial. Now that would be some good television.
Meanwhile, the ruined Republican party just wants the cocksucker out of there, now.
GOP Representative Pete Hoekstra was the first to demand Craig's resignation, today, and more will follow. Republican senators John "Walnuts!" McCain and Norm Coleman were next to go public with their demands for Craig to quit the Senate.
Mitt Romney called his until-yesterday Idaho co-chairman "disgusting," Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says the Senate Ethics Panel will do an immediate something-or-other so people will hopefully forget the whole thing, and White House spokesman Scott Stanzel said the administration was "disappointed" that Craig had been caught.
So when will Larry Craig quit? In olden days, "by the end of the week" would be a good guess, but we are in a new era now. Alberto Gonzales didn't quit until basically every Republican leader demanded he resign, Karl Rove didn't leave until 10 months after his pathetic loss of the "permanent Republican majority," Donald Rumsfeld quit before the election but didn't bother to tell anybody, Dick Cheney is still in the White House, and Diaperman David Vitter's crazy fucking wife is desperately clinging to power six weeks after his revolting diaper-hooker practices were made public.
Storm builds around Idaho senator's arrest [Seattle Times]
GOP Senators Say Craig Should Resign [AP/WTOP]