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Larry Klayman Soothes His Weary Soul By Once Again Writing Hillary Clinton Themed Erotica

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Remember the good old days of the 1990s? The economy did not suck as hard, the NRA supported universal background checks, and seemingly every month there was a new awesomely insane story about the Clintons that the news would haphazardly run on prime time without even the semblance of fact checking. Things were pretty sweet if you, like super lawyer to the stars Larry Klayman, were interesting in publishing some Mad-Libs sounding piece of “muckraking” drivel. (DRUDGE: “Did Bill Clinton host a blood orgy at the latest NATO Summit?”)


But since that glorious time Hilz has become so universally beloved that she now regularly receives compliments from her most prominent haters (especially after she solicits them directly). That is why Klayman’s latest piece at online Piggly-Wiggly bulletin board “Renew America” is such a wonderfully nostalgic throwback to the days when our idiotic corporate media organs just used wingnut bullshit to facilitate the pointless impeachment of the President, instead of leading us into a war.

Klayman’s disdain for the Clintons is easily as long as one of Bill’s Cohibas. Good ol’ attorney Larry bad touch* was one of the OGs of the pathological Hillary hate machine of the 1990s through his work with Judicial Watch, the organization he founded. During that golden age, he sued the President around a million or so times, and was rewarded with a flush bank account from Richard Mellon Scaife, despite accomplishing little more than pissing off the court staff at the various places where he filed his myriad frivolous birdcage-lining civil complaints.

Nowadays Klayman splits his time between losing Bradlee Dean’s money, managing to embarrass the usually shameless fascist Sheriff Joe with his bad email skills/homophobia, and writing radioactively insane blog posts about whatever delusion is stroking his paranoia that day. The most important story of the last week -- at least inside of Larry’s bunker/dungeon -- revolved around his old nemesis Hillary Clinton and her announced support of marriage equality. Most of the world more or less ignored this apparently-new development for the former Secretary of State (as they do not begin each day cleaning their guns while dancing “Good Night Horses” style in front of a Hillary ’08 poster) BUT NOT LARRY:

Before now, Hillary had steadfastly wanted to stay away from "gay marriage" as it is widely known that she is, at a minimum, bi-sexual. During my tenure at Judicial Watch I was told by Gennifer Flowers and Dolly Kyle Browning, two of Bill Clinton's extra-marital lovers, that the president had told them that the reason for his cheating was Hillary's gayness. During the course of Judicial Watch's many cases and investigations, I indeed learned the names of several of Hillary's female lovers, but we never exploited this for a variety of reasons. And, then to cap it all off the famous left wing investigative writer Seymour Hirsch once told me that it is widely known that Hillary likes women.

Well, talk about burying the lede there, Klayman! You spent seven goddamned paragraphs on meandering nonsense about Obama and Israel AND THEN get to your completely unassailable truth bomb that our former First Lady also happens to be a secret Bulldagger. What gives, man?

That Hillary has not come out of the closet, while now endorsing same sex marriage, is the height of hypocrisy and another continuing fraud on the American people, and her own gay and lesbian constituency.

Yes, according to Klayman, Hillary’s sexploits in lesbitarianism were more or less an open secret within his wide circle of fellow grifting failures. But this little tidbit raises so many questions on its own! For example, we know that Klayman has no problem publicizing easily disprovable horseshit (because he has no shame and has deep pockets for the inevitable libel suits), so what exactly are these “variety of reasons” that prevent him from exposing the softball teams full of lady lovers that Hillary has supposedly bedded? DID THEY THREATEN TO DRONE YOU LARRY? And why are you getting Seymor Hirsch involved in this bullshit for something he probably sarcastically told you while trying to get away from your creepy ass?

Perhaps the answer to why Larry is putting his credibility on the line (HA!) in pursuing this story is that he has simply lost the will to pursue the new fights and is retreating to the warm security blanket of nostalgia. Klayman’s current troubles range from his own failure to distinguish between “fwd” and “cc,” as well as a formidable challenge to his position as the worst attorney in the country from none other than fellow barrister/embarrassment Orly Taitz, who Klayman says

attacked my legal efforts, along with my client the Citizens to Protect Fair Election Results, to stave off an illegal recall of heroic Sheriff Joe Arpaio in Maricopa Country, Arizona. Telling fellow birthers and others not to financially support Sheriff Joe because he had as yet not filed criminal charges over Obama's fake birth certificate, Taitz, as she had done before, attacked me as well. (Last week, at CPAC, Taitz also viciously attacked Breitbart.com). It would appear that Taitz's latest unstable and destructive action is more about her own sense of self aggrandizement and fundraising for her own failed legal efforts, rather than trying to protect great public servants like Sheriff Joe

Obama came into office promising to bring America together under the banner of bipartisan common sense. Instead, even our nation’s proud and precious collection of crazy people with access to the internet are arguing with each other over nothing. No wonder everyone wants to return to the salad days of the 90s, where we knew two things for certain: that Apple Computers was doomed, and that Hillary Clinton was a communist lesbian. God, those were good times.

*MAYBE.

[Renew America]

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