Earlier today, the inimitable Five Dollar Feminist splained at you about Jerome Corsi, and his world full of hurt. But Trump's pal "Jerry" isn't taking his legal troubles lying down! No, he has hired the world's greatest superlawyer, Larry Klayman, to sue the shit out of Bobby Mueller, for reasons. Check it!

Oh baby, right there. RIGHT THERE. AoooooooooOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!

We couldn't possibly go over every Wonkette story in which Larry Klayman has superlawyered; there is neither enough time nor enough pixels. We can't tell you about all the times he wrote erotic fiction about Barack Obama literally "enslaving" the whites, by employing them in the West Wing. But we will give you a rough overview -- a highlight reel -- of Klayman's superlawyering, because fucker sued ALL THE BLACKS.

Superlawyer Larry Klayman Super-Suing People, A Primer!

Fucker sued all the blacks. To our knowledge, he has not prevailed in his lawsuit against all the blacks.

Fucker sued (and lost) Minneapolis CityPages for reporting accurately on his custody suit, in which he was a weirdo.

Fucker sued the judge in his custody suit, in which he was a weirdo.

That was the same judge he called a Jew. Because of how he lost.

But not the same judge he said was "a woman scorned." Also because of how he lost.

Or this one either. Totally different on-the-rag bitchface. Did not prevail. Totally lost.

Fucker "convened" a "grand jury" that "indicted" "Obama." To our knowledge, Obama is not in jail.

Fucker sued Hillary Clinton for murdering Benghazi. Ditto.

Fucker sued the New York Times for ... something about Joe Arpaio? Lost.

Fucker sued Sacha Baron Cohen for "making" Roy Moore look stupid. Pretty sure he lost.

Fucker sued/was sued by his own organization, Judicial Watch. Also lost.

Despite threatening to, and calling us "venomous" gaymos, fucker never, ever, ever sued Your Wonkette :(

Very excellent lawyer pick, Jerome Corsi! Have fun suing the castle! And YOU have fun in this, your OPEN THREAD!

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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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The producers of your favorite live-action Jack Chick pamphlet, "God's Not Dead" -- you know, the one where the Hercules dude plays an evil philosophy professor who tells all of his students on the first day that they are no longer allowed to believe in god? As all secular professors do? -- have come out with a thrilling new movie, all about how abortion is bad or whatever.

The movie tells the "true" story of Abby Johnson, a former Planned Parenthood clinic worker turned professional anti-choicer. Johnson has been a darling of the forced birth circuit ever since she made up ridiculous and provably false reasons for quitting the Planned Parenthood that was about to fire her for being bad at her job.

Basically, she claims that Planned Parenthood was pushing her to make more abortions happen so they could reel in more dough, and also that she witnessed (for the first time ever!) an ultrasound-guided abortion and saw the baby move from the light and then immediately realized that what she was doing was wrong.

The thing is, however -- no ultrasound-guided abortions were performed on the day she said it happened, and the only reason there was an uptick in abortions at her clinic was because they started offering the abortion pill on a daily basis (and had previously only been performing surgical abortions every other Saturday).

As you may have guessed, the movie does not address any of these things. It also looks very, very bad.

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Ever since Ruth Bader Ginsburg successfully underwent surgery for lung cancer, conservative sites and message boards have been trafficking in a ridiculous theory that she is actually dead and that there is some kind of Weekend at Bernie's-esque conspiracy to pretend she is still alive.

Now, one would think that her recent public appearance at a concert held in her honor would have put this to rest. Alas, it did not. Rather, the "researchers" (as they hilariously call themselves) determined that the concert was actually her funeral.

No. Really. That was a thing.

I admit that I gave this a lot more thought than I should have. Like, how did they think this would go? How long did they imagine this would go on for? Why would they risk having a full on funeral concert, open to the press? Wouldn't they just have not bothered to have a funeral at all? And what did these people think was going to happen when it was announced that she died for real? Or did they think that we were going to pretend that she is immortal and thus never announce her death? It's so confusing!

Being very up to date on the "RBG is secretly dead!" nonsense, I was very curious about which way the "anons" would go with this when they announced her return to work on Friday. They did not disappoint!

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