Last-Minute-ish Christmas Stuff From Our Favorite Publicists To You!

Daisy driven insane with greed.

Ever wonder how the gift guides are made? I will tell you. Publicists send us stuff and then we are like "THANK YOU FOR THE LOVELY THING! I LOVE THINGS!" And then they ask if we are going to write about the things, and we realize it would be impolite not to.

Your Wonkette is never rude.

Cashmere Moon. Is your lady's skin, like mine, dry and beaten like the finest leather? These vegan skincare people sent me a damn nice set of body creams in "watermint clementine" (I don't know what watermint is either), peppermint eucalyptus, mango cocomilk, and jasmine vanilla. They're all like "shea butter" and "Powerful Provitamin B5 reinforces a weakened skin barrier, restoring elasticity and reducing inflammation" and I don't know what that means, but my arms do not feel like cat-tongue anymore! Seriously I love these: The sampler for $36, at two ounces for each of the four creams, is a really nice buy, and this lady, the owner, seems non-ironically nice! (Cashmere Moon)


My arms may be leathery and damaged as shit, but for some time I've been taking pretty good care of my face skins. And since I'm middle-aged and fucked my shit up living for 40 years in Southern California, that means fairly expensive skin care. (Don't have a cow at the website, that price is Canadian.) Trixsent's "Forever Young" (LOL) skincare line of vitamin C creams and sera are fabulous. They smell like Creamsicles (TM), and and the vitamin C cream has a lovely electric orange smash color to it. I am touching my face RIGHT NOW and now I can't stop and I am probably going to have a constellation of blackheads on my face where I couldn't stop touching myself with my grimy paws because ooh la la, FEEL ME! The eye cream too works beautifully on circles and bags, shut up, I don't have circles and bags YOU have circles and bags. Also: cleanser and serum! For people who like to wash their face! Most importantly: It has my name right in their company name. (Trixsent)

Penzeys. The family Penzey does not have a publicist sending us free stuff; we pay full price just like all y'all on the rare occasions the Penzeys spice company isn't having an outrageous sale. But the family Penzey individually (two of them even!) reads and donates at your Wonkette, when they're not writing REALLY MAD newsletters about how Republicans are ruining joy and encouraging you to instead choose and spread love through food. So this is where you buy your spices, and your hot chocolate, and apparently superhero capes (they're towels). The Penzeys are the fuckin best.

Termini Brothers. The Termini Brothers Bakery also does not have a publicist sending us free shit. Instead, one of you terrible ones ordered cannoli (plural) for us with her very own typing fingers and her very own credit card, and you should do the same IMMEDIATELY for someone else who is not me! They box the shells separately and then send you GIANT BAGS OF CREAM to fill the shells yourself like the professional cannoli filler astronaut sheriff man you are, so they don't get all nasty and shitsoggy in transit. This was so fun (and delicious) I literally could not stand it.

Cat Amazing. The nice Cat Amazing people already got their money's worth out of the Cat Amazing puzzle box they sent us, as y'all went hog-wild buying this cardboard box for your dumb cats. But I couldn't resist putting it up again because of the picture of Daisy (at top) trying to jump through the screen to join Tipitina and Samuel Gompers in CAT AMAZING LAND. (Amazon Wonkette cut link!)


Millennials. Your friend Jen (I forget her real name, in the comments) writes books yelling at Millennials and Gen Z, like THIS IS HOW YOU WASH YOUR BUTTS. Just kidding, they are like "well guess Millennials are finally the boss now, here is how they should do that," as if Millennials weren't already the boss from the time they were an intern. But LOL they are 40 now! And they are now and again and still the boss! Also: how they should buy real estate. (Amazon Wonkette cut link)

Ghostbusters Cookbook.

Copyrighted picture from Ghostbusters Cookbook, fair use! :D

HEY WANNA DRINK SOME SLIME? Shut up yes you do. The Ghostbusters Cookbook is for those who already wore out their Nightmare Before Christmas Cookbook and want 100 different ways (not 100) to make the Stay-Puft Marshallow Man, and then things you didn't know the Ghostbusters ate, like falafel for Jeanine and mushrooms and guacamole (separately) for Egon. It's a weird cookbook! We fuckin love it. (Amazon Wonkette cut link)

And that is your Wonkette Holiday Gift Guide From the Publicists and Non-Publicists We Love! Don't forget your Wonkers Etsy Stores Part 1 and Part Deux! They probably love you too.


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Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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