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Laura Ingraham: Dems So Happy White Supremacist Wants To Kill Us All Because ... Jussie Smollett

White Nonsense

Presumably soon-to-be-ex Coast Guard officer Christopher Paul Hasson, a self-identified white supremacist, was arrested recently for allegedly planning a domestic terror attack targeting top Democrats and TV journalists, as well as as many of the nonwhite residents of the US he could find. Federal agents found 15 guns and 1,000 rounds of ammunition in his basement apartment. However, Hasson's attorney argues that the number of firearms is "modest, at best" for gun collectors in our crazy country. This is both true and terrifying.

It's also part of a clear pattern of threats against Democrats, liberals, people of color, and the press. Yet, some garbage people think we are secretly pleased that another Travis Bickle lunatic was plotting to kill us because it diverts attention from (presumably soon to be former -- oh, wait, yup!) "Empire" star Jussie Smollett's faked hate crime attack.

Smollett is a piece of garbage whose hoax exploited and diminished the suffering of actual hate crime victims. He wasted valuable Chicago police resources that could've been used to shoot black people in the back. However, no actual lives were threatened or would've been directly harmed if his scam had worked. What type of fool-flavored moron would compare these stories or think that Smollett's was objectively more important than a deranged person plotting to kill, as a start, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and presidential candidates Kirsten Gillibrand, Elizabeth Warren, Cory Booker and Kamala Harris?

This one, apparently.


The dying embers of Erick Erickson's human soul were at least sufficient to cause him to later regret and retract his dumb comment. Unfortunately, Fox's Laura Ingraham does not suffer the embarrassment of a conscience. She had no trouble taking up the conspiracy baton from Erickson on last night's "The Ingraham Angle." She claimed Democrats push "victimhood narratives" because they have no policies -- other than the socialist takeover of the state Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez would implement if given half a chance. Lady, if we have to watch your sorry-ass show, you should at least remember what you've ranted about just last week.

RACIST HACK: It was Smollett who crashed in and took the focus off Virginia governor Ralph 'Blackface' Northam, and his lieutenant governor Justin Fairfax, who's accused by two women of sexual abuse. Boy, that Virginia story faded fast, didn't it? And now the Smollett anti-Trump drama has blown up, the media has jumped on the story of that whack-job Coast Guard lieutenant who wanted to murder Democrat politicians…This is so predictable, it's almost boring.

The Smollett story broke on January 29. Ralph Northam's blackface photo moonwalked into our lives on February 1. We only have a Gregorian calendar, but we think that's later. Also, are we supposed to believe that Ingraham cares that Northam wore blackface? Would she really protest if he showed up at a press conference in shoe polish and a "Beat It" jacket? Just Wednesday, she was defending the late John Wayne over uproar about his comments in a 1971 Playboy interview where he straight up supported white supremacy -- and not in that way that was "but that was normal for the time." She had some ragamuffin guest on to complain that liberals unfairly judge people by today's politically correct standards. Wayne claimed black people lacked the intelligence to govern themselves just three years after Martin Luther King's death. We think it's safe to call him a racist, but no, according to Ingraham, that's Taliban talk.

We don't have time to explain to Ingraham how news cycles work in the Trump era. We can only assure her it's not the three-dimensional commie chess match she assumes. Smollett's repulsive actions weren't a calculated "anti-Trump" attack. Smollett has no particular ideology. He wasn't trying to launch a political career or directly influence public policy. He staged the attack in a pathetic attempt to raise his profile and his bank balance. Now, this was truly "all about the Benjamins." It's a strange reversal from how conservatives normally respond to, say, accusations of sexual assault against a politician they like. Those are always financially motivated because there is apparently so much fame and fortune to be found as a public victim of assault. Smollett demonstrates how untrue that is, as his house of lies collapsed upon itself in about two Scaramuccis. This is probably because his fake story involved people knowing who the fuck he was. We always found that part suspicious.

We're not asking you to feel sorry for Smollett but to just recognize that he didn't actually get anything out of this. His career is over. Giddy conservatives will forever invoke him as an example of how all hate crimes are probably as fake as climate change. He's also likely had the last decent haircut he'll ever receive, because black folks banned him from all our barber shops at this week's meeting. He's the most embarrassing black man alive right now. Clarence Thomas's 28-year streak has ended.

If anything, Smollett was conservative media's Secret Santa, delivering them a gift-wrapped excuse to flame their cultural resentments for the foreseeable future. He's their own shameless ham of the month club.

We will never apologize, though, for believing victims until proven otherwise. Once Smollett was exposed as a fraud, everyone promptly turned against him. We didn't instantly go on the attack and find any flimsy excuse to continue believing he was someone he obviously wasn't, like certain Supreme Court Justices.

[ Chicago Tribune / Mediate / Salon ]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Seattle. However, he's more reliable for food and drink recommendations in Portland, where he spends a lot of time for theatre work. His co-adaptation of "Jitterbug Perfume" by Tom Robbins is playing NOW at Pioneer Square's Cafe Nordo. All Wonketters welcome.

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Last week, Yr Dok Zoom talked a little bit about his damn dissertation, which looked at "Wabbit Literacy," the weird thing where we sometimes learn about the world from parodies and jokes long before we ever encounter the original stuff -- like learning about opera from cartoons. More than one person in the comments (which Wonkette does not allow and yet, like life, you find a way) mentioned they were disappointed, as kids, to learn that while roadrunners are real birds, the actual critter looks nothing like this:

Which is not to say that real roadrunners are the least bit disappointing, as animals go, because they're freaking incredible. Yes, even if they don't actually leave lines of flame down the center line of desert highways and go "Meep! Meep!" But they can sprint up to 20 miles per hour, which is faster than you, albeit slower than a real coyote's top speed. Also, yes, real coyotes are among the predators what eat roadrunners, which is why the wily birds adopted the evolutionary strategy of running right through fake tunnels coyotes paint on the sides of mountains.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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