Laura Ingraham Finally In Favor Of Religious Headgear
In a Very Special Episode of the Laura Ingraham program yesterday, the Fox News host offered a plaintive cry for tolerance and acceptance, at least as long as it's for people who completely agree with her, because have you noticed how mean and intolerant liberals are nowadays? She fretted that "it's now gotten so bad in America that wearing a Trump hat is basically considered a hate crime." Then Ingraham cited all the arrests of people wearing those hats for hate crimes, or at least she would have, if anyone were actually being arrested over their dumb hats.
Still, she has a point: A lot of people think unkind thoughts when they see those hats, and truly, it is very unfair "to brand an entire belief system as immoral, evil, toxic, and of course it's racist." We have certainly made plenty of jokes about how Trumpism is a faith-based system of belief in the Holy One who is always right, but it's a bit surprising to see an actual adherent of the Church of MAGA admit it.
Here is the full segment if you really enjoy smashing your head with a rock wrapped in a red hat that may or may not be Made in the USA (the knockoffs are from China). The relevant part is all in the first 10 minutes, thank Crom; feel free to skip the panel following it. We know we did!
Following that call for MAGA to be recognized as a "belief system" (whose tenets may be adjusted according to whatever Donald Trump is grumpy about any given tweet), she then settles into the usual So Much For Teh Tolerant Left!!! grievance narrative: Liberals used to be for free speech and debate but now they just call anyone they disagree with a Nazi or a racist or a raper or a homophone (because they have never read hats). GOSH THAT'S AN ORIGINAL OBSERVATION WE HAVE NEVER HEARD BEFORE except like forever. Then we got the usual airing of grievances about unfair characterizations of MAGA-hat-wearing people. Democrats are the party of perpetual grievance, and without railing against racism, which is OVER, what would they have without peddling victimhood? Ingraham has actual rightwing black person Shelby Steele on tape saying so, which makes it true.
Also, too, Donald Trump's agenda is wonderfully successful, non-racist, and has been "working really well for minorities," you see. Any idiot can see that.
Ingraham wraps up with an inspiring ode to the True Meaning of MAGA, urging Trump supporters to get out there and be ambassadors for all the goodness the Trump Brand brings with it. Republicans just need to "actively engage in minority communities -- don't be bullied out of them." All Republicans have to do is explain their policies "without the filter of an unfriendly media" and those minorities will surely see the light and embrace "the power of self-reliance, the power of strong families." Because maybe nobody ever preached to black people about "self-reliance" and "family" ever once in history. You know, like in the Chick Tracts where sinners have literally never heard of this "Jesus" guy and are blown away by the TRUTH.
What's more, Trump and his cabinet should "travel to cities like Oakland and Chicago and Baltimore, not just to safe zones in red states," because if they don't, those nasty Democrats will keep making black people think racism is still a problem. Apparently, black people are really easily fooled that way. By some miracle, she somehow doesn't actually say the words "Democrat Plantation," but by now, obviously, she doesn't have to.
Then it's time for the Big Stupid Finish. Go forth in your MAGA hat and show people what it REALLY stands for!
As for those red hats? Well I would continue to wear them whenever and wherever you like. And when doing so, be sure to show everyone around you what true tolerance, kindness, and inclusiveness looks like.
Yup, when people see a MAGA hat, the first thought is usually "kindness and inclusiveness." Like when Gun Dipshit Kaitlin Bennett wore her MAGA hat to the airport t'other day, so all TSA screeners would know they're wasteful, unneeded scum who deserve to be fired!
Went through TSA with my #MAGA hat on to remind everyone that their jobs are disposable and they're non-essential.… https://t.co/rbAJn5Y4th— Kaitlin Bennett (@Kaitlin Bennett)1548897122.0
Or maybe this nice gentleman, James "Doc" Greene of Texas, who sometimes favors a MAGA hat while posing with standees of Ronald Reagan and Donald Trump.
RightwingWatch reports today Mr. Greene was arrested last weekend after bringing a concealed weapon into a Houston public library branch, but probably just for self-protection, because he was there to protest the library's "Drag Queen Story Hour." He had previously been banned from the library for recording kids there without their parents' or the library's permission -- but again, it was for Jesus, so it was OK!
He even recorded the Police State Thugs arresting him for being Christian! We like the part where he demands the library worker identify herself, because as a taxpayer, he is her boss. I PAY FOR THIS LIBRARY! Also what looks like a handmade White House Press Pass, which means he is a member of the media and must be allowed in.
There is also the part -- a part which is most of the video -- where he demands the cops show him the law allowing them to eject him. Instead, they show him the library's affidavit saying he's been told to stay away, and he can't believe the library is allowed to lie and discriminate like that. But the best part of all is near the end, where he loudly tells the cops, "We have a bunch of homosexuals that are molesting children! They are doing it with your help!" But the cops eject him anyway, for being a Christian. (The concealed weapon bit apparently came later.)
We should note that Greene doesn't turn the camera on himself, so we don't know if he was wearing his MAGA hat when he went to the library. So don't you go associating that hat with anything but tolerance, kindness, and inclusiveness, you monster.
We would include many other examples of MAGA hat wearers being tolerant, kind, and inclusive, but we fear that might use up all the electrons on Earth.
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.