Laura Ingraham Warns Biden Will Erect Statues Of Black People, Are You Frightened Yet?
Last night, a perfectly sane and rational Laura Ingraham cautioned conservatives not to despair. The situation might look dire but she rattled off an inspiring list of conservative triumphs, starting with Ronald Reagan and culminating with Donald Trump ... no really.
INGRAHAM: Well, [Mitt] Romney bombed out in 2012, of course he did, but we didn't give up. [In] 2014, we took back the Senate. And two years later, we did the unthinkable and put Donald Trump in the White House.
Yes, we all can agree that Trump's election was an unthinkable event.
Ingraham believes the media is trying to psych out conservatives and make them think Joe Biden is some unstoppable juggernaut. But he's really weak, weak, she says! Unlike the young and spry, ramp-slaying Trump, Biden's old. And he don't talk so good. That's why he's not holding rallies. It has nothing to do with an ongoing public health crisis.
INGRAHAM: The pandemic is the perfect excuse for Biden to do the entire thing virtually. He's totally weak!
She keeps saying that. Biden has opened up a pretty consistent lead of double digits over the UberTrump. Tuesday, a poll even showed Biden up two points in Missouri. This is looking like a good old-fashioned ass kicking.
INGRAHAM: The media ... they want to freak you out. They want you to think [Biden's] unbeatable. They want you to think you're alone and powerless to stop his victory.
That's not the media. That's math. But, she's right. No one's voted yet. A lot can happen in four months. There are so many more ways Trump can demonstrate he's completely unfit for the office he holds.
Here's where Ingraham started to become less coherent than Judge Jeanine: She brought up a poorly worded tweet from the Democratic National Committee about a Trump rally at Mount Rushmore on July 4.
The Democrats do not want you to know how radical they actually are — which is why they deleted this moments after… https://t.co/9ovS6hR7Y4— Marsha Blackburn (@Marsha Blackburn)1593528001.0
Mount Rushmore does have a gross history, like so much of America. The US government promised the Sioux territory that included the Black Hills in “perpetuity," which ended up defined as just a couple years. Decades later, more white guys drilled the faces of other white men into Mount Rushmore, defacing an area that is sacred to the Sioux.
Considering whether this was actually a good move doesn't mean you “hate America."
INGRAHAM: Now, by the morning, the tweet was deleted, but the wink to the far Left ... oh it was received.
How would Frau Ingraham know? Is she tapping our winks?
INGRAHAM: If Biden wins, Mount Rushmore will be flattened.
That seems ambitious. Is Biden going to ask the villains from Superman II to replace Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, and Lincoln with their own heat-vision-carved faces?
INGRAHAM: Or maybe refashioned to celebrate the Squad!
She then “jokingly" showed a badly produced image of Mount Rushmore with the scary brown faces of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Rashida Tlaib, Ilhan Omar, and Ayanna Pressley. Why are conservatives so scared of these women? They aren't running against Trump.
There is obviously no evidence that Biden wants to flatten Mount Rushmore or join what Ingraham calls “Birkenstock Bolsheviks" and tear down statues. However, Ingraham crowed that Biden "made a mistake" and promised on a call to big donors that he's going to roll back Trump's $2 trillion tax cut and other giveaways to billionaires. That's not only fairly standard, mainstream Democratic policy, but it's kind of a “well, duh" decision after Trump cratered the economy. Like most conservatives who took Ayn Rand's MasterClass, Ingraham thinks more tax cuts for the wealthy is the answer to our woes.
She still tried to desperately paint Biden as someone he's not. She insists he's going to defund the police, while admitting that he explicitly said otherwise.
INGRAHAM: If Biden wins, every American will be paying more in taxes ... not to pay down the debt or help the elderly ... You'll be sending money to Washington so Pelosi and the squad can commission statues of their new heroes of the Left. Like I don't know, Colin Kaepernick and Stacey Abrams.
Yeah, she really doesn't know. It's as if her head is an empty, ratty racist hat from which she randomly pulled two black names.
INGRAHAM: But this doesn't have to be our future.
Trump is America's last hope! This is some sad-ass fear mongering, especially because it just won't work. Even Trump supporters consider Biden a "guy you can trust." He's not Hillary Clinton or even Barack Obama. Conservatives will have to run against what Biden actually says and believes. That's probably good news for John McCain but not for Donald Trump.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).