Laura Loomer Wins Florida GOP Primary On Crackpot Bigot Platform

2020 Congressional Elections
Laura Loomer Wins Florida GOP Primary On Crackpot Bigot Platform

Far-right conspiracy theorist and all-around nogoodnik Laura Loomer won Tuesday's Republican primary in Florida's 21st Congressional District. Loomer was kicked off Twitter, where even I'm allowed to post, because she spewed hate about Muslims. The self-described “citizen journalist" enjoys stalking Nancy Pelosi and harassing random people, which she — and no one else — calls “Loomering." She was banned from Uber and Lyft after demanding a ride-share app that only exploits non-Muslim drivers. Facebook, Instagram, Medium, GoFundMe, Venmo, MGM Resorts, and PayPal don't want anything to do with her, either.

Oh, and she tried to fuck a Nazi.

This character from a cancelled TV sitcom — one with the word “crazy" in its title — won 42 percent of the vote against Christian Acosta and Michael Vilardi, who are both typical, terrible Republicans but presumably never got to third base with a Nazi. You never know what's important with voters.

Loomer's sole congressional endorsement was Florida's shame Matt Gaetz. Donald Trump congratulated both fellow idiots on Twitter after the White House tried to ignore the issue.

Not sure if Gaetz was the star kingmaker here, but whatever. Trump did endorse the unqualified bigot from his voting district.

Convicted felon Roger Stone also gave Loomer the thumb's up. This is a classy operation. Loomer's opponent is Democratic incumbent Lois Frankel. Unlike QAnon bigot Marjorie Taylor Greene, Loomer isn't running in a solidly Republican district. Frankel has crushed legitimate candidates and ran unopposed in 2018.

Still, the Republican nominee for a House seat is a “proud Islamaphobe," who has grossly attacked Gaetz's colleague Ilhan Omar. She has no policies and wouldn't know how to implement them if she did. She is a rightwing troll and what Jay Smooth would call a professional “line stepper." In 2016, she wore a burqua to a polling station and asked for a ballot under the name “Huma Abedin." She's white and Republican, so that was just a plucky prank and not attempted voter fraud. The following year, she asked Chelsea Clinton to sign her children's book for Juanita Broaddrick, a woman who accused Bill Clinton of rape. Hilarious.

She considers herself a champion of free speech while denouncing any speech critical of Donald Trump. The First Amendment also protects the religious freedom of Muslims, but Loomer, like most conservatives, selectively interprets the Constitution.

Loomer is a hypocrite, a bully, a bigot, and a moron. She is hardly a fringe member of the modern Republican Party. It's likely that she's only running to build her “brand" and grift some suckers, but Trump has shown that you can do all that while also enjoying the perks of elected office.

Go drop some cash with Rep. Frankel. Let's not leave anything to chance.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


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