Law And Order President Pardons Joe Arpaio For Patriotically Discriminating Against Messicans
Donald Trump, who campaigned on a platform of respect for the law, has issued a pardon for former Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. The publicity-addicted but frequently lawless lawman, who liked to call himself "America's toughest sheriff," was convicted in late July of criminal contempt of court for ignoring a federal judge's 2013 order barring him and his department from racially profiling Latinos as suspected undocumented immigrants. This is the publicity-addicted president's first pardon, and may be the first of many as he prepares Get Out Of Jail Free cards for assorted members of his administration and possibly himself.
Trump issued a statement that talked about what a swell patriot Arpaio was, but made no mention at all of the conviction, because why dwell on unpleasantness like that on such a happy occasion? Also, Trump made no mention of the fact that accepting a presidential pardon is an admission of guilt.
"Arpaio’s life and career, which began at the age of 18 when he enlisted in the military after the outbreak of the Korean War, exemplify selfless public service," Trump said. "Throughout his time as Sheriff, Arpaio continued his life’s work of protecting the public from the scourges of crime and illegal immigration.
"Sheriff Joe Arpaio is now eighty-five years old, and after more than fifty years of admirable service to our Nation, he is worthy candidate for a Presidential pardon," the statement continued.
Trump did not have to add, "Look, you knew I was never going to get Mexico to pay for the wall, so instead I pardoned a guy who devoted his department's resources to harassing Mexicans. That should be good enough to keep you yokels cheering for me, am I right?"
Trump took advantage of a late Friday night news dump to pull the stunt, perhaps hoping that everyone would be too busy watching news of Hurricane Harvey's expected landfall in Texas to notice one more manmade disaster in Washington.
Well that was fucking nuts.
This is a tragedy, what’s happened to him. He should be in the East Room of the White House getting the [Presidential] Medal of Freedom put around his neck. Not sent to prison to be assassinated and murdered, which is what would happen… The only reason Joe Arpaio got this charge, and it wasn’t tried by a jury; it was a leftist judge -- is because he supported Donald Trump for president.charged with civil contempt of court well before Trump announced his candidacy; the additional criminal charge was filed in October 2016, so we suppose Wead is absolutely right, there, although Arpaio had not actually been sentenced, and faced six months in prison at most. But let's stay focused here: Those liberal judges just go and make stuff up alla time.
In unrelated White House Racist news, Trump advisor Sebastian Gorka resigned tonight to spend more time perfecting his You Can't Tell Where I'm Actually From But It's Kind Of European accent. Nobody knows what the fuck he actually did at the White House, and nobody cares why he left.
Note: Just for the sake of neatness, please limit your comments on this story (which aren't allowed anyway) to Arpaio pardon and Gorka news (like anyone cares about Gorka). The Bad Art post remains your Open Thread.
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