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Who will snuggle with the cows now?


[contextly_sidebar id="r9jdJfZbFgcdbQMpWscBdKVRhto1kHww"]Oh, those jackbooted federal government thugs have done it this time! They arrested Cliven Bundy last week in Oregon on charges related to the insane violent 2014 standoff he started in Nevada over whether the Constitution protects the God-given right of cows to eat grass on federal lands. Bundy says yes, and also federally owned land does not exist. The government says "LOL."

[contextly_sidebar id="4eYXgZ9SmugX5BWa7VFJh7uwIVOcPZxm"]But how could he have gotten arrested in Oregon, which is definitely not part of the sovereign nation of Nevada? Well, Cliven traveled up yonder Oregon way to protest the mean government for arresting and jailing his dingbat sons, Ammon and Ryan, so the government figured why not multitask? So it said, "Oh hey gurl, you have the right to remain silent and shit, on account of what happened in 2014." And now a federal magistrate judge has decided that no way, Cliven, you are NOT going back to Nevada before you face charges, you are staying in jail, so suck it:

U.S. Magistrate Judge Janice Stewart also said Bundy should not be released ahead of trial because there is a risk he won't show up for future court dates. Federal prosecutors called the 69-year-old "lawless and violent" in a document filed before the hearing, an assertion his attorney and family denied.

"If he is released and he goes back to his ranch, that is likely the last the government will see of him," Stewart said.

Bundy's lawyers say NUH UH! he is not violent or a flight risk, and how is this even important since they're just now arresting him in 2016 for a crime he did in 2014? Also, a member of the Bundy clan what is not in jail for anything at the moment wants to know what kind of quote unquote "jurisdiction" this federal judge lady even has:

"Cliven believes in the proper role of government and proper jurisdiction. Where's the jurisdiction?" daughter-in-law Briana Bundy told The Associated Press by telephone from Bunkerville, Nevada.

"He's not a flight risk. This is his home. This is where his livelihood is," she said.

Oh, Briana, stop acting like such a Briana. He's in jail because this FEDERAL judge thinks it's a good idea for a dude who started a ginormous armed standoff with federal agents says he should be in jail. Also too, maybe she's a family values type and just thinks Cliven should be near his boys, who will also get to stay in jail forever, God willin' and the creek don't rise.

He's also in jail because the United States government filed a memorandum in the case of the UNITED STATES v. Cliven Bundy, that says, "Yes, please, we have so much more jackbooted tyrannical government overreaching to do to Cliven Bundy, please keep him somewhere that gives us easy access."

Bundy is lawless and violent. He does not recognize federal courts – claiming they are illegitimate – does not recognize federal law, refuses to obey federal court orders, has already used force and violence against federal law enforcement officers while they were enforcing federal court orders, nearly causing catastrophic loss of life or injury to others. He has pledged to do so again in the future to keep federal law enforcement officers from enforcing the law against him. As of the date of this hearing, he continues to violate federal court orders and continues to possess the proceeds of his illegal activities.

We're guessing that whole "pledged to do so again" probably is factoring into the government's thinking, just maybe. Anyway, if/when Cliven is convicted he might have to stay in prison until he dies, which will be so sad, just kidding no it won't.

You'll never see your precious cows again, loser!

[Miami Herald / US Attorneys' memorandum on Cliven Bundy]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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