Lazy Trump Already Gone For Weekend, Because He Doesn't DO Fridays

Trump right now, except for how he's super old.

Thursday afternoon, after all the Republican members of the House lay in a big daisy chain on the White House lawn tickling each other's dicks in celebration of how they just voted to take healthcare away from millions of people and give a massive tax cut to the wealthy, Donald Trump was FIRED UP READY TO GO. And by FIRED UP READY TO GO, we mean it was Thursday afternoon, which means the president's work week is over, man. Trump doesn't say "TGIF!" because he leaves on Thursdays.

Now, Trump did go speak at an event in New York last night, where he endorsed single-payer healthcare like they have in Australia. What is he, a gay lesbian environmentalist witch? Anyway, he could have gone ZZZZZ at Trump Tower on Thursday night, but that would require saying hi to Melon and vaguely remembering he has a young son, which does not spell w-e-e-k-e-n-d to Trump. Instead, after three hours in the city, he went to one of his sexxxy clubs in New Jersey, called Bedminster, where it can cost $300,000 to be a member.

Perhaps he's vaguely aware of how lazy his fat orange ass looks right now, or maybe Hope Hicks or Reince Priebus said something, but Trump tweeted this Friday morning:

Yeah, it saves us so much money when Trump goes to one of his personal properties on the taxpayers' dime, like he does every weekend. Know what would be even less 'spensive? GOING BACK TO THE FUCKING WHITE HOUSE, WHERE THE PRESIDENT IS SUPPOSED TO LIVE AND WORK, GODDAMMIT.

Now, naysayers might be like "bro, he's working from home today, it's casual Friday, he gets to wear jeans on his ample butt cheeks, give him a break." And usually we would understand that, since we work from home, and we always have to explain to our friends who go out in "public" during the "daytime" that we aren't just lying around playing pocket pool while we watch Kelly Ripa. (OR ARE WE?)

Working from home is a very normal thing, and sometimes people who work from home work even more than those who go to "public"! For real! But you'll forgive us if we don't believe Donald Trump is one of those good work-from-homers. We're more inclined to believe he'll watch his shows, then spend a good hour rubbing his naked body all over a dead animal rug to remind himself how rich he is, then he'll get in a round of golf before he's forced to "work" for about an hour somewhere between two and three in the afternoon. Then Bannon will lower Trump's meat body into the bathtub so he can rub-a-dub-dub with his toys before it's time for a luxurious dinner of burned steak and macaroni and cheese.

Hey let's check Trump's actual schedule for the day, as reported by Politico:

TRUMP’S SCHEDULE: President Donald Trump is at his Bedminster Golf Club in New Jersey and has no public events scheduled.

"No public events." Uh huh. Oh, we forgot, it's Cinco de Mayo, so Trump will probably eat taco bowls in bed at some point today.

We know Trump peaces the fuck out of Washington pretty much every weekend, and he likes to leave on Fridays. When Trump met with the Chinese president, he left on THURSDAY.

As of April 2, Trump had spent NINE CONSECUTIVE WEEKENDS at Trump properties, often at Mar-a-Lago, the gaudy fuckshow Trump wants us to call the "Winter White House." (FYI, he wants us to call Bedminster the "Summer White House." Fuck that noise with a hammer.) This all costs the taxpayers MANY DOLLARS. The Palm Beach Post did some math and found that two trips to Mar-a-Lago cost almost $1.3 million, and that's just for the cost of operating Air Force One. The paper notes that this doesn't account for other things like the Secret Service (which pays money to Trump's organizations!) and the Coast Guard, for when he's in Florida.

Oh, and what about the roaming charges on Trump's Obamaphone when he's tweeting outside his network? We don't have figures on that, but some important journalist like Blake Fahrenthold should look into it.

According to The Blaze, the total cost for his Mar-a-Lago trips as of a few weeks ago was in the neighborhood of $20 MILLION. The Blaze also notes that Trump is on pace to outspend Obama's ENTIRE PRESIDENCY on travel ($97 million) in his first year as president. Fiscal conservatism! Get some!

Anyway, we know Trump was shocked to find out that being president is way harder than he thought it would be. Imagine if he had the work ethic of Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton, and wasn't just a decomposing trash heap who needs three-day weekends all the time.

We don't have some grand conclusion to make, so we'll just end this post with this: Lazy fuck Trump's constant vacationing on the taxpayer dime -- BOY, I DON'T KNOW!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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