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LBJ Would Like His Slacks To Have a Little More Room Around the Bunghole

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Lyndon Johnson was actually America's last great president. (Vietnam? Eh, nobody's perfect!) We'll wait another couple of years before we even consider young Barry Obama, who at least is trying to do the kind of Big Fucking Deal stuff last attempted when LBJ sat on his toilet in the oval office and barked orders at his actual servants, the U.S. Senators.

But on this day, Johnson's mind was elsewhere. On his ass and his belly and his bunghole and lightweight summer slacks, specifically. He didn't have a whole lot of time to discuss his new summer pants, as he had to "get to a funeral" -- Kennedy's? Which one? -- but he just wanted to spend maybe five minutes going over the excruciating details of these pants.

See, this tailor or clothing company made him a couple of pairs of slacks, and they were just the best slacks LBJ ever slid his pasty white slabs of legmeat inside, but he just has a couple of suggestions, as far as the zipper and the pockets and the waist and the cut and the length and really the whole goddamn things, because LBJ gains and loses fifteen pounds a month, for fun, and his pants need to ride with LBJ, but not ride on LBJ, understand? Lyndon B. Johnson's balls weigh two-hundred pounds a piece and need room to swing, so fix that up and send the new slacks over to the White House, LBJ will put the boy on to get the address for you. UPDATE: Hahaha we just listened to the beginning again, and this is "Mr. Hagger," as in Hagger Slacks, which is pretty much what every white man in America wore until about 1973. [YouTube via Wonkette operative Brian K.]

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