Legislative Aide Loses Mind Over Marriage Bill

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Quite possibly the only job worse than mopping the floors in a rendering plant is working in constituent services. So many gross citizens calling angrily all the time, and writing dumb emails, demanding this thing or that thing and generallywasting the time of staffers who could actually be doing something productive if they didn't have to keep answering the phone and nodding thoughtfully. Naturally, tolerating citizen complaints can eventually send you over the edge into MADNESS, as evidenced by the complete and total breakdown of a legislative aide in St. Paul.


Wonkette Operative "Sara" (no relation) writes, "I wrote Sen. Paul Koering a short, professional email about his decision to vote no on the marriage equality bill, and this is what I got in response. It's kind of insane."

Some background: Senator Koering is openly gay, and Republican, and represents a conservative district in rural Minnesota. So presumably he got a fair amount of "Nice move HYPOCRITE" sorts of emails from people less tactful than our "Sara."

Here is the letter in full:

My name is Ken Swecker, Senator Koering's Legislative Assistant. Senator Koering and I both would like to respond to the e-mails we've been receiving regarding his intention to not vote in favor of Senate File 120. I am currently responding to the e-mails to give you the Senator's home phone number so that you might call him over the weekend and speak with him personally on the matter. This much he asked me to do.

To add to that, as a personal statement, is to say that SF 120 is something that the majority of the People of Senate District 12, the People that he was elected to represent, do not favor this piece of legislation. In case you have forgotten, we are a government of the People, by the People, and for the People. He was not elected serve his personal interests. I personally believe that instead of sending e-mails full of threats and hateful words you should take his example to heart and congratulate him on being a legislator who cares more about what the People of his district want than what he may want personally. You and I both know that this is a rare quality to find, and just because this is contrary to how you wish for him to vote, you must remember and respect he is here to represent the interests of his rural Minnesota constituents who voted him into office. As a constituent of his myself, I am happy to see him take non-personal votes on several issues. After all, I would not want another politician taking another vote that would serve his or her personal interests more so than the People's, would you?

I can testify all day long about how much Senator Koering cares for the People of Senate District 12. He ran three consecutive times, being defeated the first two, and why did he put himself through so much hard work? Do you think it was because he needed another job? Absolutely not! He did it because he believed he was the best person to serve the People that he calls neighbors, friends, and family. And especially now, in a time like this, we are being bogged down with this completely pointless issue. There are People in Morrison and Crow Wing Counties, and across the State who are losing their jobs, their homes, their insurance, and were you to ask them if this is an issue that should take one second of precedent over these conditions they're facing every day, do you believe, do you honestly believe that they would say to you, 'Yes, please, waste the time of the State Legislature with a piece of legislation that will not help, but in fact, overshadow the current situation we're living in? Please, waste their time with this piece of legislation while I tell my son and daughter that mom and dad aren't hungry tonight?'

I know very well that you will respond to this e-mail of mine with some probably quirky, snide, and very thoughtless comment that will make me out to be a bad person and threaten the Senator even more just as most of the absolutely tactless and disrespectful e-mails we've received have been written, but really, don't waste your time. We'll just put your e-mail where it belongs, in the trash.

The Senator's home number is [Redacted, lest the senator be deluged with midnight phone calls from drunk Wonktards demanding Truck Nutz. -- Ed.].

He's free on the weekends.

Very Sincerely, every word of it,

Ken Swecker

P.S.

I hope you do not believe that this e-mail was written specific to the one that you sent, this is a blanket e-mail, being sent to everyone who has e-mailed us on this issue and I've already wasted too much time in responding to you. Good day.

Senator Paul Koering

District 12

131 State Office Building

St. Paul, MN 55155-1206

Phone:651-296-4875

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