Let Roger Stone Show You His Nixon Tattoo And Tell Ya ALL ABOUT DC Cokeboner Orgies
Roger Stone's gross Nixon tattoo. Still from Netflix documentary 'Get Me Roger Stone.'

Skeevy old asshole Roger Stone has been quietly observing the fuss over Rep. Madison Cawthorn's very truthful not-a-fib (OK, probably a fib) stories about getting invited to Washington DC Political Cocaine Sex Orgies, and, as a libertine libertarian, felt the need to defend poor Rep. Cawthorn from all the mean comments people have made about how he had to have made up his tale of being invited to sex orgies. You see, Stone told the Washington Examiner as if anyone wanted to hear Roger Stone talk about sex orgies again, Washington DC is a regular sexpit of sexy sex orgies!

Despite House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy's pooh-pooing of Cawthorn's orgy story (McCarthy really shouldn't kink-shame like that), Stone pointed out that Cawthorn himself hasn't publicly disavowed his earlier claims, and by golly, says Stone, Cawthorn is undoubtedly speaking the truth!

“All we have is McCarthy's version of the conversation, and nothing Kevin McCarthy says can be believed. Why would we believe him? I mean, let Cawthorn speak for himself — not Kevin McCarthy or Steve Scalise,” Stone said in an interview, adding that he witnessed similar conduct to what Cawthorn alleged during his time in Washington.

Remember, this is Roger Stone, who's proud of everything he's done to promote his own image as a naughty eminence greasy of Republican politics. Roger Stone assailing the credibility of Kevin McCarthy is one of those whatchacallits, like in that movie about false memories of aiding Nicaraguan freedom fighters, ContraCeption.

Stone, you may wish to forget but we keep reminding you, got shitcanned from Bob Dole's 1996 campaign over sex swinger ads that Stone allegedly posted in an alleged sex swinger magazine for sex swingers. It's all part of his carefully curated myth as a Rather Louche Fellow, like that time he was photographed participating in semi-nude lickings with a semi-nude lady in a 2010 New York Pride Parade. But it's OK because he also said the parade was "disgusting," thus preserving his Republican family values credibility.

Also too, Stone is careful to remind anyone who asks about his wild years that he found new life in Jesus Christ, so whatever his past sins, he is now pure as a factory-sealed bottle of personal lubricant. He's willing to talk about, but not to relive, his glory hole days.

So if anyone knows about Sexual Perversity in Washington, it's Roger Stone, or so it's profitable for him to have you believe. Stone explained to the Washington Genital Wart Examiner that Cawthorn's comments were right on the money shot:

“As someone who lived in Washington, D.C., for 41 years, who was once part of the Washington elite system, everything Madison Cawthorn says is absolutely true," Stone said. "And I can see why Washington elites would now be scrambling to try to deny it because maybe the voters back home won't like what they're hearing.”

“Does anyone really believe that that doesn't happen? In Washington, in Hollywood, in New York, among elites? I mean, it is — it defies logic. I know for a fact these things happened when I lived there prior to — and this is important — prior to the reaffirmation of my belief in Jesus Christ. I saw these things up close. I'm a different person than I was when I lived in Washington. But I know firsthand that what Cawthorn says is true — it's true,” he added.

For all his purported intimate knowledge of these rampant Washington Orgies (one of the finalists for the new f'ball team name), Stone politely refrained from fingering any of the participants. Perhaps he's still under a ball gag order.

Stone expressed his complete certainty that Cawthorn was telling the truth, because Stone had spoken with the lad. Stone added that if McCarthy allows any kind of discipline against Cawthorn, like a really sexy spanking that Jesus will forgive if you only ask, McCarthy's the one who'd need a safe word.

“We communicated only once. He told me he was not backing down from his claims, as I reported that on social media, so I take him at his word. I would, first of all, recognize he works for the people back in North Carolina. He does not work for Kevin McCarthy,” he said.

“Kevin McCarthy has no sway over him — take away committee assignments," Stone continued, "but if they did so over this, all they'd be doing is underscoring the fact that these parties and drug abuse do happen, and they are desperate to cover it up.”

Stone also vowed to go straight to North Carolina to campaign against Sen. Thom Tillis, who responded to the controversy by endorsing one of Cawthorn's opponents in this year's primary. Oooh, how that Thom Tillis will rue the day he tangled with the Nixon-tattooed self-proclaimed master of dirty tricks!

“Now I have to go to North Carolina and campaign for Thom Tillis’s primary opponent because Donald Trump and Madison Cawthorn are more popular with the grassroots in North Carolina than Thom Tillis will ever be, never mind the other RINO there, Richard Burr. The elites are circling the wagons — the people who are attacking him are the elites. ... I predict that Republicans will take the House, but Kevin McCarthy will not be speaker,” he said.

Neither Stone nor the Examiner? I Barely Know 'Er! made any mention of the real dirty surprise here, which is that Tillis was reelected in 2020 and won't be up for reelection until 2026. That Roger Stone is such a master of political intimidation — but he clearly knows most Trumpers won't be bothered by little details like that. Maybe they'll even send Trump some money right now to help defeat Tillis.

And now we will finally let you stop thinking of Roger Stone and sex orgies, you are welcome.

[Washington Examiner/ New Yorker / NYP]

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Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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