Let's Hope Marianne Williamson's Big News Is That She's Starting A Scented Candle MLM

2024 presidential election
Let's Hope Marianne Williamson's Big News Is That She's Starting A Scented Candle MLM

Marianne Williamson

Marianne Williamson is back. You remember Marianne Williamson, right? The first presidential candidate in history who ever initially became famous by writing a book based on a book by Jesus Christ as channeled through a lady named Helen? The world's foremost Marianne that has never dated Mick Jagger? Well she's back — and perhaps considering making another run for President of the United States of America. Just as you lucid dreamed she would.

“As America gears up for the 2024 presidential election, I’m preparing an important announcement on March 4th in Washington DC,” Williamson said in a statement to Politico on Saturday, in which she listed factors that “propelled me to explore the possibility of running for the Democratic nomination for president in 2024.”

Williamson also discussed the possibility of a run with Politico in an interview on Friday, at which point it seems she had a different timeline in mind:

First, have you decided whether to run for president in 2024?

I’ll be making a statement this weekend.

If you were to run, would it be as a Democrat, or an independent?

Absolutely a Democrat.

This would mean that there would be a very strong possibility of series of Presidential debates featuring just Joe Biden and Marianne Williamson, which would likely be some of the most expensive comedy specials of all time. There could even be a musical interlude, as I have just learned that Williamson once had a job singing Gershwin standards in a nightclub (yes, I am seething with envy right now). Would I watch this? Absolutely, because I am a terrible person who loves terrible things, but in reality it's probably not a great idea.

When questioned about the fact that no one wants to vote for her to be president, she boldly compared herself and her personal run for president to abolitionists, suffragists and civil rights workers

Your critics say you have no conceivable path forward and that running again is a vanity project.

Abolitionists would not have thought that abolishing slavery was possible. The suffragists would have had days when they didn't think women's suffrage was possible. Civil rights workers would have thought that desegregation wasn't possible.

It's hard to say that the results of those efforts would be at all comparable to Williamson in the White House, but who can say?

She also says that we got her wrong in the media, by suggesting she's some kind of anti-vax New Age weirdo, just because she's obviously some kind of New Age weirdo.

What did the media get wrong about you in the last campaign cycle?

What did the media get wrong about you in the last campaign cycle?

Where should I begin? ’m certainly not anti-science. I'm not anti-vax. I'm not the crystal lady. I didn’t tell people they got sick because they didn’t pray enough. Basically, I’m not stupid.

Williamson has claimed that she "misspoke" on a podcast about vaccines and that she does believe in them, and was also mad before that people were making her out to be the "Crystal Woo-Woo Lady," on the grounds that crystals are not her personal thing. There are, of course, many other kinds of woo to which she does subscribe.

Take it away, me in 2019:

Speaking to Yahoo News, Williamson vented her frustration with the way she has been portrayed in the media "This idea that I'm a crystal woo woo lady ... the crystal woo woo lady image, to some extent amusing, has no relation to reality[...] I've never had a crystal, I've never written about crystals. I've never talked about crystals. I've never had a crystal onstage with me."

Is this just a misreading of Williamson based on the fact that she is very New Agey and believes a whole lot of other ridiculous things, like for instance that excess body fat is made up of "negative thoughts? Or because she based her whole self-help empire on a book by a lady who thought she was channelling Jesus when she wrote it? Not according to Williamson. According to Williamson, this whole thing is actually a "well-designated strategy," an orchestrated plot to take her down. Orchestrated by whom? She does not know. But probably the Illuminati.

I don't know that anyone ever specifically accused Williamson of having a crystal collection. Rather, crystals tend to function as shorthand for "General New Age Crap." If we were going to be more specific, I guess we would go with the "Post-partum depression is caused by going back to work woo-woo lady," but no one has time for that.

Still, I don't actually think she's actually going to run for president. I think she's gonna do all of this silly build up and her big announcement is going to end up being that she's starting a new scented candle multi-level marketing company or that she is starting a podcast with Gwyneth Paltrow. Or she'll pretend to run for president for a while and then do a reality show. The possibilities are all ridiculous and endless.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

Wonkette is independent and fully funded by readers like you. Click below to tip us!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc