Let Us All Enjoy This Definitely True Story About The World's Bravest Alan Dershowitz Fan

Media/Entertainment
Charles Atlas comic about a guy who

I never thought it would happen to me ...

There I was, on Twitter, minding my own business (as one does), when I saw a video clip of Alan Dershowitz telling Newsmax his usual sob story about how no one on Martha's Vineyard invites him to any parties, even the big Jewish Democrat party which is very unfair because of how he is the "most Jewish, well-known Democrat" on Martha's Vineyard. Also, no one on the Vineyard will be friends with him, which we already knew thanks to The New York Times' in-depth 2018 reporting on how Alan Dershowitz has no friends on the Vin-yahd.

You may also recall the time he got into a big fight with Larry David that necessitated a full-on costume change. It's been at least four years now and Alan Dershowitz is still just moping around the Vin-yahd hoping one of his old friends will invite him to a party or even to their home for game night.

In the clip, Dershowitz told Newsmax the sad tale of a fan of his who got punched in the face by some radical leftist volleyball players on the beach who didn't like the fact that he was reading a book by Alan Dershowitz. As this was met with some disbelief by those who heard it, he later took to twitter to share the letter this fan sent him.

Text [SIC implied]:

Hello Mr. Dershowitz.. This is not a question but a comment, I bought your book from Amazon titled "THE CASE FOR LIBERALISM IN AN AGE OF EXTREMISM OR WHY I LEFT THE LEFT AND CAN'T JOIN THE RIGHT." My first comment is that I find it very easy reading and easy for me to understand. The other thing that I would like to mention to you is something that I've never ever experienced in my entire life. I was reading your book yesterday at the beach, when some guys who I was playing beach volleyball with, asked me about the book that I was reading, and so I showed them the book. They then asked me why I chose this book, and so I told them that I had a great deal of respect for the author. The next thing that happened came as a total shock to me. Without warning, I was slugged and punched in the face. I asked why was that called for, and I was told that it's because his political view point and mine differ. I told them that I get it that our viewpoints differ, but why can't we be at least civil about it. With that, he laughed, shoved me once again onto the sand, and kicked sand all over me.

My question to you is why people can have political differences, respect the others point of view, and just be civil about it? Honest to goodness, this is the very first time that I've ever experienced such an incident, and I would appreciate if you can tell me what I did to deserve this, because honestly I just don't get it. I was taught by my step mom to always be respectful of others, even though I may not agree with the other person. I thought that I was being myself and honest. I don't know, Mr. Dershowitz. I just don't get it on why I got and deserve this kind of treatment.

Thank you kindly, Mr. Dershowitz, and I look forward to hearing from you, so that I can understand better.

Well, I think we can all agree that this just sounds like a very true story of a real thing that happened, in real life. The kind of thing that just happens when one dares to read Alan Dershowitz at the beach. I'm more of a Jackie Susann girl myself, but to each their own.

Clearly it rings very true to Mr. Dershowitz, who for all of his faults, was at one point a very good defense attorney and can surely recognize when someone is full of shit — the fact that the story bears a strong resemblance to the Charles Atlas comics that used to appear in the backs of comic books notwithstanding.

Really, these things just all sound exactly like things a normal human being would say and do when interacting with another normal human being. Especially what occurred after he was punched in the face just for reading a book by Alan Dershowitz and saying that he really respected him.

I asked why was that called for, and I was told that it's because his political view point and mine differ. I told them that I get it that our viewpoints differ, but why can't we be at least civil about it. With that, he laughed, shoved me once again onto the sand, and kicked sand all over me.

After that, we can only assume he delivered a pizza to a bunch of sexy ladies who invited him in for an orgy.

Hopefully we will soon get an update on this story in which he learns about dynamic tension, becomes a big strong man and goes back to the beach where he punches the anti-Dersher in the face and then everyone slow claps.

(TW: Susan Sarandon appears in the beginning and end of this clip, so if that is too much, just don't watch or watch from 0:18 to 3:20.)

Rocky Horror Picture Show - I Can Make You A Man!www.youtube.com


We'll be back in a few hours with the livestream! You guys can go ahead and OT all you want in here until then, I give you my blessing. Though of course I do hope you will all share your very true stories of what happened to you the last time you read a book at the beach.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.


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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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