Let Us Not Forget To Be Very Mature About Junior's COVID-19 Diagnosis


Donald Trump Jr., as you may have heard, has been diagnosed with COVID-19, which must have come as a huge surprise to him, given that he was so certain it would be totally over after the election. He gave a little speech about it last night on Instagram, looking like who did it and ran, asking for Netflix recommendations because of how he can only clean so many guns.

We hope this is not a metaphor.

Apparently, he was planning on going on a special trip with his kid and got tested out of "an abundance of precaution" and tested positive. He says he is asymptomatic, which probably means that he will assume that everyone else's experience with COVID-19 is exactly like his, and continue being an asshole about things because that is just how he rolls.

(Slightly off topic, but can I just say that my throat actually hurts from listening to him speak? He is straining so hard to make his voice lower that it is legitimately painful to listen to. He's gonna get polyps on his vocal cords if he keeps that up.)

You know what's generally a bad idea though? Going around making fun of a virus and acting like it's nothing and you will never get it, probably because the mean scientists all made it up to make your dad look bad. Because then if you do get it, it will seem very poetic.

Like so!

As Don Junior has demonstrated, this appears to not have been true. Whoops!

I am incredibly superstitious and so therefore never make statements about "Oh, that'll never happen to me!" because obviously it will then definitely happen to me. I am in fact convinced that I developed a nickel allergy for a few years (it is gone now and I can wear earrings again, thank goodness) because as a teenager, I secretly thought that people who said they had "sensitive ears" were full of shit and just trying to make everyone think they were delicate. I may be an atheist, but I do not mess with shit like that.

But Don Junior absolutely does. And he is actually religious! Supposedly! Shouldn't he be worried that God will strike him in the neck with a lightning bolt for half of the things he says? I mean, look at these Instagram posts. They're basically just screaming "Come and get me, universe!" into the void. They're a legit death wish.

Does this mean that Donald Trump, Jr. now believes that the workers should own the means of production? Is that how this works?

LOL it's funny because Donald Trump, Jr. will be in quarantine on Thanksgiving.

See, that's the problem with getting all of your news from screenshots. Cuomo was actually saying that perhaps, with Trump out of the White House, politicians will take it more seriously. Not less.

Ok, fine, this is not totally coronarelated, but it did age extremely poorly, so I'm including it anyway.

It is possible that Junior contracted the virus at the same event where all of the other Trump people who didn't take the virus seriously contracted it β€” their election night party.

Via CNN:

Trump Jr. was among the roughly 250 guests who attended the White House's indoor election night party, where nearly every attendee was seen not wearing a mask. Other party attendees have since tested positive, including Meadows, Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson and White House political affairs director Brian Jack. A source familiar with the matter had told CNN at the time that all guests were to receive a rapid test for Covid-19.

Guess that didn't work out! But hey, it's not certain he got it there. He could have gotten it being while irresponsible in myriad other ways. Just like his Daddy and so many in his Daddy's inner circle have before him.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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