Let's All Go Donate To Dick And Liz Cheney's Cool New Non-Profit And Have War Forever


It was only yesterday that we had to endure Dick and Liz Cheney's Op-Ed at the Wall Street Journal. It was a quaint little trip down memory lane, reminiscing about how when Cheney was the puppetmaster of one George W. Bush, everything was the coolest because we had war all the time. The Cheneys aren't going to rest on their laurels and just sit around calling for perpetual war. No, they're putting other people's money where their mouths are by starting the Alliance for a Stronger America, a non-profit entity which appears only to exist to smack talk about Obama.

We know that American security, peace, and freedom depend upon reversing the dangerous policies of the Obama Administration.

Oh, and also the Alliance exists so that WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR WAR.

We also know that America's armed forces are the greatest fighting force and the greatest force for good the world has ever known. The Alliance for a Strong America will advocate for the policies necessary to protect the nation, and ensure that these issues are part of our national discussion in the coming years and beyond.

Do you think that Dick Cheney was just missing being a fucking death's-head ghoul that sends near-children to their maiming and death, or is he just getting a bonus from Halliburton if he drives more war business their way? WHY CHOOSE?

The bouncing bloodthirsty baby of a website has a biographical section on Dick, which you can tell he thought was quite a fine piece of work, a thing that really captured the manly and masterful essence of Dick Cheney, but instead it is just ridiculous. Here's our very favorite part:

Cheney has been recognized by many as the most powerful and consequential vice president in American history, and worked side by side with George W. Bush to keep our homeland safe and protect Americans from terrorist attacks for seven and a half years following 9/11.

Well, Dick, you were definitely consequential, but lets remember that there's nothing inherently favorable about that word. The consequential-ness you brought to the world was a fucked-up purposeless war, but hey, if that's all you've got, go for it. Also too let us LOL forever at the kept America safe after 9/11 part. Yes, if we overlook the fact that you were the one in charge when we had the biggest attack on American soil ever AND we overlook the whole pointless war thing, then you're golden, Dick!

Dick and Liz would like you to know that if you donate to their war machine, you can totally do it in secret, which seems weird since you should really want your awesome patriotism just hanging out there for all to see.

Any person or entity that contributes more than $5,000 to a 501(c)(4) organization must be disclosed to the Internal Revenue Service on Form 990. However, the IRS does not make these donor disclosures available to the general public. The Alliance for a Strong America's policy is to not provide the names of its donors to the general public.

Also too there is no limit to the amount of monies you can give Dick Cheney so he can have another really sweet-ass war. For convenience, though, consider soaking the bills in blood so he doesn't have to later. It's only polite.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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