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Hey, internet land. HOW YA DOIN'? Is shit crazy and fucked up and weird and everything is falling apart and it's four days before Christmas and even if you don't celebrate Christmas, you're ready to just turn it all the fuck off? US TOO. When news broke that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who is the queen of you, had surgery this morning and they removed two malignant growths from her lung, did you feel like reaching for harder liquor than you were already drinking this morning, because Jesus, it's Christmas and if you're not putting Bailey's in your coffee, you are DOIN' IT 'RONG?

US TOO! So we, who are the boss of you, are here to tell you to RELAX. And we're saying it for a few reasons!

First of all, the statement from RBG's posse says they took out the growths and didn't find any more bad shit and now she's chillin' in the hospital recovering.


NO FURTHER TREATMENT IS PLANNED.

The nodules were discovered after routine tests stemming from that nasty fall RBG took a few weeks back, when she ended up breaking a few ribs. In fact, according to a Doctor On The Internet, it's pretty normal to end up with growths like this after broken ribs at her age, and it's good they got in there to find them:

Do you really think something as dumb as "recovery" scares her? PFFFFFFFT.

This is a woman who has beaten cancer twice, who works out 50 times a day and can bench press YOUR DAD even if YOUR DAD is carrying GROCERIES from PIGGLY WIGGLY. We are not certain, but we are pretty sure a team of space doctors (that's right, SPACE DOCTORS) scans her body every night while she is sleeping to make sure everything is hunky dory, and if they don't, then highly respected medical doctor "Wonkette" recommends she add SPACE DOCTORS to her treatment plan.

Hell, the Washington Post reports that during recent oral arguments in the Supreme Court, nobody would have even known RBG had just suffered broken ribs, because she was too busy bench pressing YOUR DAD.

Ask yourself: Would the Notorious RBG want you sitting around freaked out over her health, or would she want you to buck up and fight with her?

Justice Ginsburg is clerked up through the 2020 term, and in case you didn't remember, in November of that year, we are going to take this goddamn country back from Donald Trump. And then she can retire after that if she wants! Or she can change careers and take up professional football, like she may or may not have always wanted! And hey, who knows what else might happen. Clarence Thomas could die of an infected pube tomorrow and we bet nobody ever woulda seen THAT ONE comin' (besides Anita Hill). Brett Kavanaugh could have a tragic boofing accident, because once again, boofing does not mean pooting. The point is that we cannot control what we cannot control, we can only control how we respond to it.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT ... WHAT IF SHE'S NOT OK? WHAT IF THEY DIDN'T GET ALL THE DISEASE AND THEN SHE GETS SICK AND DIES NEXT WEEK AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

Look, we get it. That could happen. It probably won't, but it could.

And if that happens, we got us a new terrible fight on our hands, and it will suck and Trump will probably nominate a rapist like he (allegedly) did last time, and shit will get worse before it gets better. (You do realize that shit is going to get worse before it gets better anyway, right? Trump is cornered and weakened, he's lost his House of Representatives, and the last sane person in his cabinet just noped the fuck right on outta here in protest.) And we will have that fight, if the worst case scenario comes to pass. Let's preserve our strength, just in case it comes.

We have enough to freak out about every single day that is a day in Trump's America. Let's not add one more thing to the pile until we have a solid reason to add it to the pile. Let's send our thoughts and our prayers and our good vibes and our wishes for a Happy The Holidays! to Justice Ginsburg, and trust that if shit gets real bad and there's something we need to know about her health, she will tell us.

In the meantime, she's recovering, and by next week she is probably planning to for real bench press YOUR DAD, unless that's the sort of thing YOUR DAD is into, in which case, ew gross, RBG is not touching YOUR DAD.

Now we are noping the fuck out early so get to OPEN THREAD.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Oh good, Jared Kushner decided to pick today to come out from the hidey hole where he back channels with Russians and the Saudi Murder Prince while lustily fingering the security clearance unlawfully procured for him by an unelected president.

That's just super.

It was at the Time 100 event, not because Jared was on the Time 100 this year, but we guess because he was on it in 2017. His profile back then was written by Henry Kissinger, who predicted he would be a "success." We guess this happened during a part of the event called "The Time 100's Biggest Bloopers, OMG" ... oh wait, hold on, Wonkette has just been informed that Time was being serious when it invited Jared.

Our bad.

Say something stupid in reaction to the release of the Mueller Report, J-Kush:

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We swear that John Cornyn is an honest-to-goodness US senator. Yet this is what the Texas Republican (or at least his campaign team) is tweeting while serious people are discussing impeaching the president.

Team Cornyn's tweet quickly found itself a resident of Ratio-ville, where the presiding mayor is Howard Schultz. But why did this crack team of political savants scour Twitter for old-ass tweets from one of the new Mads on "Mystery Science Theater 3000"? Is Patton Oswalt running for Senate? He's certainly more fit for office than Donald Trump. No, apparently, the comedian is just a supporter of a Senate candidate. Democrat MJ Hegar just launched her campaign today to unseat Cornyn in 2020, and Team Cornyn's rapid response was to attack someone who once said nice things about her. Seriously, they have no other connection.

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