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Hey, internet land. HOW YA DOIN'? Is shit crazy and fucked up and weird and everything is falling apart and it's four days before Christmas and even if you don't celebrate Christmas, you're ready to just turn it all the fuck off? US TOO. When news broke that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who is the queen of you, had surgery this morning and they removed two malignant growths from her lung, did you feel like reaching for harder liquor than you were already drinking this morning, because Jesus, it's Christmas and if you're not putting Bailey's in your coffee, you are DOIN' IT 'RONG?

US TOO! So we, who are the boss of you, are here to tell you to RELAX. And we're saying it for a few reasons!

First of all, the statement from RBG's posse says they took out the growths and didn't find any more bad shit and now she's chillin' in the hospital recovering.


NO FURTHER TREATMENT IS PLANNED.

The nodules were discovered after routine tests stemming from that nasty fall RBG took a few weeks back, when she ended up breaking a few ribs. In fact, according to a Doctor On The Internet, it's pretty normal to end up with growths like this after broken ribs at her age, and it's good they got in there to find them:

Do you really think something as dumb as "recovery" scares her? PFFFFFFFT.

This is a woman who has beaten cancer twice, who works out 50 times a day and can bench press YOUR DAD even if YOUR DAD is carrying GROCERIES from PIGGLY WIGGLY. We are not certain, but we are pretty sure a team of space doctors (that's right, SPACE DOCTORS) scans her body every night while she is sleeping to make sure everything is hunky dory, and if they don't, then highly respected medical doctor "Wonkette" recommends she add SPACE DOCTORS to her treatment plan.

Hell, the Washington Post reports that during recent oral arguments in the Supreme Court, nobody would have even known RBG had just suffered broken ribs, because she was too busy bench pressing YOUR DAD.

Ask yourself: Would the Notorious RBG want you sitting around freaked out over her health, or would she want you to buck up and fight with her?

Justice Ginsburg is clerked up through the 2020 term, and in case you didn't remember, in November of that year, we are going to take this goddamn country back from Donald Trump. And then she can retire after that if she wants! Or she can change careers and take up professional football, like she may or may not have always wanted! And hey, who knows what else might happen. Clarence Thomas could die of an infected pube tomorrow and we bet nobody ever woulda seen THAT ONE comin' (besides Anita Hill). Brett Kavanaugh could have a tragic boofing accident, because once again, boofing does not mean pooting. The point is that we cannot control what we cannot control, we can only control how we respond to it.

BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT ... WHAT IF SHE'S NOT OK? WHAT IF THEY DIDN'T GET ALL THE DISEASE AND THEN SHE GETS SICK AND DIES NEXT WEEK AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?

Look, we get it. That could happen. It probably won't, but it could.

And if that happens, we got us a new terrible fight on our hands, and it will suck and Trump will probably nominate a rapist like he (allegedly) did last time, and shit will get worse before it gets better. (You do realize that shit is going to get worse before it gets better anyway, right? Trump is cornered and weakened, he's lost his House of Representatives, and the last sane person in his cabinet just noped the fuck right on outta here in protest.) And we will have that fight, if the worst case scenario comes to pass. Let's preserve our strength, just in case it comes.

We have enough to freak out about every single day that is a day in Trump's America. Let's not add one more thing to the pile until we have a solid reason to add it to the pile. Let's send our thoughts and our prayers and our good vibes and our wishes for a Happy The Holidays! to Justice Ginsburg, and trust that if shit gets real bad and there's something we need to know about her health, she will tell us.

In the meantime, she's recovering, and by next week she is probably planning to for real bench press YOUR DAD, unless that's the sort of thing YOUR DAD is into, in which case, ew gross, RBG is not touching YOUR DAD.

Now we are noping the fuck out early so get to OPEN THREAD.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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WHOA THERE, it is a #HotScoop about something happening that portends the wrapping up of the Robert Mueller investigation, one that we can actually believe to a point, because of how CNN seems to have some receipts for its story. (Unlike what we always hear from reporters who shall remain nameless, like Ken Dilanian from NBC News.)

CNN is reporting that "as soon as next week," new attorney general William Barr will be announcing the "completion" of the Mueller probe and that Mueller will be sending some sort of report to Barr.

And just like that, this is you right now: WHOA IF TRUE, IS IT TRUE? IS HE JUST GOING TO LEAVE LIKE THIS? BUT WE HAVEN'T EVEN SAID GOODBYE!

And this is Robert Mueller right now: bUt We HaVeN't EvEn SaId GoOdByE!!!!!!!!

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