Let's All Stare At This Completely Bananapants New QAnon Map Until Our Eyeballs Bleed!

Conspiracy Theories

Glenn Beck is responsible for this.

Glenn Beck, back when he had his show on Fox, and probably now even, used to get up and write a bunch of nonsense on a chalkboard and then draw a bunch of arrows everywhere and then go "SEE! Mr. Belvedere is the antichrist after all!"

He taught his followers to "think" a certain way. To first decide on a thing they wanted to be true, imagineer the storyline that would make it true, and then to insist that it must be true and there can be no other way. That is pretty much all they are doing with this QAnon shit.

As such, one of the more popular artifacts of the qult are "qmaps" — these completely bonkers diagrams in which a whole bunch of nonsense is connected to a whole bunch of other nonsense with arrows that q people can look at and go "Oh it all makes sense now!" even though it obviously does not. There have been a couple of them so far and they are all enormously batshit.


There's this one, the original one, which connects almost literally everything with almost literally everything else.

Then there is this one, the "Great Awakening Map" which I like a lot because it includes mermaids and honestly I really hope that these people think mermaids are real because that would be extremely entertaining. Also indigo children. I freaking love indigo children.

And now there is a new one! A map of the deep state which includes COVID-19 and all the other 2020 trimmings, and (I think) suggests that Anthony Fauci is in cahoots with the Jesuits, which apparently means something to these people.

I really enjoy this section, where it is suggested that baby boomers are super trusting of the government (they are not!) and women's rights and starseeds are mentioned.


Starseeds, if you are unaware, are people who think they are part alien and that they can activate their alien DNA by listening to YouTube videos, and I love them.

Pleiadian Starseed Activation www.youtube.com

I think that if you are part alien and you watch this, you gain the ability to freeze time and also talk to your alien dad through a jewelry box.

I am also confused about how I missed socialism happening in 2009! What is more confusing, however, is the fact that rightwing conspiracy nuts are always on about COINTELPRO. That is ridiculous. COINTELPRO was on their side. Like, the whole point of it was to infiltrate and discredit leftwing groups and to get leaders on the Left discredited, killed or sent to prison for stuff they didn't do. QAnon people should love that! But instead they really seem to like to pretend like A) it's still a thing and B) has something to do with them, somehow.

Surely, given their feelings about Black Lives Matter, none of them ever shed a tear for Fred Hampton.

This is also an extremely fascinating segment of the map, which includes a non-existent "American Manufacturing Renaissance," Tesla, 5G, Covfefe, Obamagate and Saint Germain. Odds are they are not referring to the liquor but to the alchemist/ascended master that new age weirdos think was also Francis Bacon and also was maybe immortal.

Also, it suggests that in the future, the stargates will be opened? Like a reboot of the franchise? I am not sure.

Also, in the future, there will be a borg mind. I don't know what a borg mind is, but I think it is something from Star Trek!

Tragically, none of us are smart enough to "decode" this. Though if anyone is anyone whose passion is graphic design ... I think we could use one that is just the lyrics to either "We Didn't Start The Fire" or "La Vie Boheme" from Rent. Just to see if these people would buy it. I think they would.

[Deep State Mapping Project]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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