Let’s Enjoy Some Epic Trump Flop Sweat!

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Donald Trump is desperate and dripping in flop sweat today. He's down in the polls and voters aren't buying that he's not responsible for his own failed presidency. This week, Trump and Joe Biden each faced voters at separate town halls. Trump bombed and Biden crushed. It wasn't close.

Biden's up nine points in new polls from Wisconsin and Arizona. The spirit of John McCain flips Trump the bird. Early voting has started in Minnesota, where Trump's in free fall, so he's already losing the state. The electoral map is shrinking for Trump, but he has his sights set on Virginia, which he didn't win in 2016 when voters were dumber.

LOL. Biden's up double digits over Trump in Virginia. Trump's lead is smaller and more precarious in Texas. He needs to slap on a ten-gallon hat and go visit an oil field or ride a bull. He needs to stay on defense. It's hard to expand his map when he just told “blue states" to fuck themselves with COVID-19. Does he not think Virginia's a blue state? Both senators are Democrats. The governor's a Democrat, and Democrats control both chambers of the state legislature. This isn't a swing state. Some Democrats flipped state Senate seats because of their “take away your guns" platform. Trump should push that garbage in West Virginia.

Trump was so desperate he had another bananas press conference this afternoon. He figures dropping a coronavirus vaccine in time for Christmas — like it's Furby in '99 — will save his ass.


TRUMP: We'll have manufactured at least 100 million vaccine doses before the end of the year!

How does it feel to know the president thinks you're as stupid as he is? If Trump means the end of this specific year and not, like, 2028, then the infrastructure for mass-producing the vaccine would exist already. It doesn't, and neither does the vaccine. As Biden noted yesterday, we haven't even tested a vaccine on children.

This isn't Star Trek where Spock and McCoy can come up with an untested serum to reverse rapid aging in 40 minutes. Then Old Kirk barks, “Give me the shot!" and he's cured in three minutes instead of just plain dead.

Trump spread some more lies about Biden. He claimed his presidential opponent is some crazy anti-vaxxer — you know, like Trump himself — when Biden has actually stated that he's in full support of a vaccine if Dr. Fauci gives the all clear. He wisely doesn't trust Farmer Donnie's COVID-19 Vaccine and Hair Tonic.

Biden trusts medical experts, but Trump, who's a moron, doesn't. A reporter asked why he keeps contradicting his own experts.

REPORTER: Do you think you know better than they do?

TRUMP: Yeah, in many cases I do.

He's going to kill us all. The only upside is that his preening arrogance will kill his reelection campaign first. Most Americans don't trust anything Trump says about a vaccine, the virus, or the safeness of a house built over a native burial ground.

During the presser, Trump seemed to have given up on winning the election through conventional or “legal" means. He's now trying to undermine faith in the election as a whole with made-up claims about mail-in voting. He said people are "getting showered in ballots" and it's all a big scam. This is supposedly the president of the United States talking.

It's clear that Trump won't go away with the dignity of your average venereal disease. He's going to dispute the election results and hope his buddies on the federal bench will gift wrap a second term for him.

But we can make that less likely in 46 days if we vote in record numbers and defeat Trump decisively and with extreme prejudice.

This is now your open thread.

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).

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