Let's Go To The Tape! Wonkagenda for May 15, 2017
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
- Republicans and Democrats want Trump's tapes, but Crom only knows what sort of cringe inducing old-man rants they'll contain, IF they exist.
- Chuck Schumer went on teevee to say that he'll block any nominee to head the FBI unless there's an independent special prosecutor named to lead the Trump-Russia investigation, joining similar calls from Mark Warner, Heidi Heitkamp and Kirsten Gillibrand.
- Centrist senators have been grumbling among themselves in backrooms about fixing Obamacare while everyone else in Washington came down with Comey-fever.
- Several more brave Republicans (who aren't John McCain) have decided buck Trump now that they realize it might be in their best interest. How noble!
- IS SPICEY ABOUT TO BE YOU'RE FIRED? Is Trump going to sexify press briefings with Fox's Kimberly Guilfoyle? Will Spicey's "ratings" start to slip?
- Republicans are targeting food stamps, VA benefits, and welfare to balance the budget upon the backs of the poor so they can give themselves a tax cut and rain down golden showers.
- Surprise! Tom Price wasn't the only person using a political position to push legislation that would increase stock profits as a new investigation has uncovered serious ethics concerns in Congress members.
- Crook and Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke is all torn up about tearing apart Bears Ears National Monument.
- The Trump administration is quietly attempting to whitewash all the inconvenient truths and federal regulations from the Internet, wiping data about OSHA, the EPA, and animal abuse.
- Richard Spencer TRIED to lead a torchlight Nazi-KKK rally at a statue of Robert E. Lee in Charlottesville, Virginia but his cadre of basement-dwelling neckbeards were recalled by their disappointed mothers and Nazi-punching counter-protesters.
- Meanwhile, in Boston, sweaty man-babies slipped off their child harnesses and scampered off to Boston Common to spew racist 4Chan garbage IRL based on the premise that they would get some attention.
- Moscow's ALLEGED investment in Trump is paying off huge dividends, but there's still the matter of those pesky sanctions on the failing oil state.
- TLDR: Robert Mercer bankrolled the dueling Brexit campaigns last year, and used President Bannon to pioneer the psy-ops ratfuckery used in the U.S. election.
- Iranian presidential elections are on Friday, but the poorest people still don't see any change coming anytime soon, thanks, in part, to conservative fears stoked by authoritarian jerks like Donald Trump.
- The Democratic primary for the 2018 Illinois gubernatorial race is already getting hot with big donors and labor groups quietly shoving money at billionaire J.B. Pritzker in his bid to take on the current multi-millionaire Republican governor Bruce Rauner, instead of Camelot heir Chris Kennedy.
- The implosion at Fox News is sucking in Fox's friends like goon-for-hire Bo Deitel, and an ambitious talking head, Pete Snyder.
- Ann Coulter wants to get off the Trump train because he's not building the Tortilla Curtain fast enough.
- Preet Bharara penned an op-ed for WaPo wondering if there were any honest civil servants who value humanity over partisanship. Sure! They're the ones getting fired!
- The #WanaCry ransomware cyber attack that's affected over 150 countries is expected to get worse today as cheap stubborn olds realize that pissed off IT person was right to tell you to stop using Windows XP. It even caused Trump to hold an emergency NSC meeting, so you know it's serious.
- NASA is pumping the brakes on Trump's manned mission to Mars because it's really freaking expensive and dangerous to strap a couple humans in a tin can atop several thousand pounds of chemical explosives and indiscriminately shove them off the edge of our flat planet.
- And here's your late night wrap-up! John Oliver explains why dialysis patients have a right to be pissed off; Colbert corrected and showed how Spicey hides AMONG the bushes; Chelsea Handler thinks Trump must be a time traveler; Bill Maher pointed out that social media is an addiction that isn't nearly as cool as smoking; and SNL noted that apparently nothing matters anymore, and Melissa McCarthy's Spicey hunted down Trump.
- And here's your morning Nice Time! Cheetah Cubs!
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