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We love Wendy Davis. You love Wendy Davis. We and you want to do very sexy things to Wendy Davis, even the straight chicks. Unfortunately, even saying that is the kind of thing the Wendy Davis for Governor campaign would send out an OUTRAGED PRESS RELEASE ABOUT. Most of you don't get Wendy Davis for Governor's press releases. We are here to tell you they are terrible.


Wendy Davis's campaign is trailing lightweight nothingburger Greg Abbott, hard. And they think the answer is to say LOOK AT THE BIG MEAN MEN THEY SAID UNLADYLIKE THINGS ABOUT A LADY.

Can you even imagine Ann Richards boo-hooing like that? She'd laugh in their goddamn faces, her French manicure (we assume) digging straight to their nuts.

Hell, can you imagine Sarah Palin boo-hooing like that? Fuck, you're being a worse candidate than Sarah Palin.

COME ON.

Wendy Davis for Governor staff, "poor me" only works if you are a Republican. Toughen up buttercup.

Here's a sampling from some recent OUTRAGES in our inbox.

TPM: ABBOTT "ON THE DEFENSIVE" OVER "BOATS 'N HOES" PAC

"The language used by Greg Abbott's consultants is offensive to every Texas mother and daughter -and the men who love them- and has no place in politics," Davis spokeswoman Rebecca Acuña said according to The San Antonio Express-News on Thursday.

As TPM noted earlier on Thursday, the consultants behind the Boats 'N Hoes dissolved the PAC after Texas politicians said its name was "offensive." The PAC was created Shaun Nowacki, the bookkeeper for Blackmore and Associates, a Republican consulting firm that lists Attorney General Greg Abbott, Davis' GOP opponent, as a client from 1991 to 2004.

Wait, how is Greg Abbott responsible for the bookeeper for the consulting firm he stopped using 10 years ago? Well, um, "because?" And 780,427 emails about the word "ho"? Maaaaaybe if you'd said something about our African-American sisters and the daily crap misogyny they face, but of course you did not say anything about our African-American sisters, because you also did not say anything about our African-American sisters (or brothers) with this:

In a statement, Davis Campaign Manager Karin Johnason said, “It has now been two days since likely Republican gubernatorial nominee Greg Abbott appeared with an admitted sexual predator. Not a single Republican leader has condemned Greg Abbott’s embrace of and showcasing of Ted Nugent, who has boasted of having sexual relations with underage women. It’s time for every Texan Republican to end their silence and stop trying to gloss over the fact that their likely next standard bearer has campaigned with someone whose vile actions are repugnant to every value that Texas men, women, fathers and mothers embrace.”

Ted Nugent has said SO MANY HORRIBLE THINGS. He has threatened the life of the president of the United States. He has threatened the life of Hillz Clinton. He has severe mental health issues that are terrifying and bad.

He called Barack Obama a "subhuman mongrel" -- right before his appearances with Greg Abbott, which was why he was in the news. And your campaign is 100 percent completely silent on that. You're saving your outrage and going to faint that the Nuge is a sexual predator because in the '70s he sexed up teenage girls? In the '70s EVERYONE sexed up teenage girls. Jesus, watch Manhattan sometime. Mariel Hemingway was like 12 in that. Nobody batted a fucking eye.

Wendy Davis for Governor, we like you. We make our readers send you money. We would like to come to your Willie Nelson fundraiser, and will drive us from Los Angeles to do so.

But this whining what (we hope) is fake umbrage is beneath you. It's not a good look. You're sounding like the candidate of only delicate flower suburban housewives, and we are pretty sure they don't think you're speaking for them.

Less whining moar fighting please. And no, complaining about some dumb pac name by a guy whose employer was hired by your opponent 10 years ago isn't "fighting." Wink, smile, laugh, and reload.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against you, argue the facts. If the law and the facts are against you, pound the table and yell like hell. And if that doesn't work, just make shit up.

Talking hairpiece Jay Sekulow went on Chris Cuomo's CNN show Wednesday night to barf out the latest Trumpland nonsense on the Russian WITCH HUNT. Remember way back in May, 2017 when Donald Trump told Lester Holt about that hilarious time he fired James Comey to murder the Russia investigation?

"I was going to fire Comey knowing there's no good time to do it. And in fact when I decided to just do it, I said to myself, I said, 'you know, this Russia thing with Trump and Russia is a made up story, it's an excuse by the Democrats for having lost an election that they should have won.'"

Did you think that meant he actually fired Comey TO MURDER THE RUSSIA INVESTIGATION? Watch and learn, kids!

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In the words of the great Tammy Wynette, sometimes it's hard to be a woman. This week has been such a time for many of us out there, what with the impending prospect of seeing yet another sex predator who wants to take away our reproductive rights getting confirmed to the highest court in the land. Oh, it's almost like we, and our bodily autonomy, don't even matter at all.

Thankfully, several conservative columnists have graciously taken the time to explain to the rest of us why we should stand by their man. Not for his good, but for our own. Because it will be empowering. So come on gals, let's switch out our sneakers for pumps like the the working gals in 1980s movies, set up our desk salads, and just really lean in to see what they have to say!

First up, we've got Catherine Glenn Foster over at The Federalist, who wants us to know that losing our reproductive rights will empower us beyond our wildest dreams, according to the actual title of her essay.

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